Management Speak Translation Database

[fishtank]

Your partner starts at 0730=Your partner starts at 0900.
The IPS is fully resourced=It's you,one handed Joe and the 12 Yorks of packets.
That van is fine to drive=That van is a f***ing deathtrap.
There's 15 Yorks on the last feed=There's 21 Yorks of stuff crushed into 15 Yorks.
That's the last feed in=Oh no it isn't.
D2D is now in workload=LOL.

[5plusbonusball]

"work time learning" - listen to and watch propaganda

[dvbuk55]

I have every sympathy with your position = feckin whinger

[UnhappyGremlin]

I did your job 20 years ago - I am deluded and think the job is the same as it was then.

[pad]

I don't care what your Rep says...
I don't care what your agreement says....
I don't care what you think your contract of employment even implies....
I don't care what the public may think.....
I don't care if your families waiting for you at home......

I don't care......................unless it involves paperwork that might make me look bad (then it's your fault)
I don't care......................unless my DSM/MCM/ADistM is concerned (It's definitely YOUR fault)
I don't care......................I've been to seen the CEO/Regional Director......YOU MUST OBEY (No matter how stupid the suggestion)

I don't care..........UNLESS IT AFFECTS MY BONUS!!!!! (You'd better be certain it's all YOUR fault).

JUST REMEMBER I'M A ROYAL MAIL MANAGER AND AS SOON AS I PUT ON THE SUIT/TROUSER SUIT I BECAME MORE INFALLIBLE THAN THE POPE AND COULD NEVER,EVER DO ANYTHING WRONG, AND ANY PITFUL INDIVIDUAL WHO SUGGESTS OTHERWISE IS DAMNED (and not in the good way)

It would help if you could enter the Unit in a submissive manner like the peasants you are............


WHAT DO YOU MEAN........Of Course we can lapse all the duties in the Office, don't you believe in the magic pixies? YOU ARE ALL EXPENDABLE (except the managers of course)

[UnhappyGremlin]

Well, the customer says you didn't knock - You probably did, but I don't like you and want to conduct you.

[arnold cheshire]

Your partner starts at 0730=Your partner starts at 0900.
The IPS is fully resourced=It's you,one handed Joe and the 12 Yorks of packets.
That van is fine to drive=That van is a f***ing deathtrap.
There's 15 Yorks on the last feed=There's 21 Yorks of stuff crushed into 15 Yorks.
That's the last feed in=Oh no it isn't.
D2D is now in workload=LOL.

when has a manager ever said d2d is in workload ?

[Toby Tyke]

"You have got to take it. We have not got anyone else"
Meaning "if you don't take it I will have to do it"

[bandit1157]

I never said that = Oh crap they remembered

[adamanti]

Your the worst , clueless ,f%^ing idiot postmen i've ever known = Your defo management potential, on the acting next week!

[freelunch]

"If you got time to stand there whinging about going over your time - you got time to stand in the dole queue" = I don't give a sh1t, Fek off and get on with working into your own time again this afternoon.

[macetheace]

i`m off to a dom`s meeting..............feck you lot its 9,am and the wife wants to go shopping

[wabbithunta]

Q: Can you please do that walk on o/t when you have completed yours?
A: No, I am very sorry to say that I just do not have the time to assist you in your aim of clearing the office of all mail, as I am very busy completing my own delivery in the allotted time span given for mine [aka "I don't give a toss about your problems, 'cos you don't care about mine!"]

Management Translation: F*** that walk is going to fail.