Management Speak Translation Database

[WornOutPosty]

"I won't lie to you" = the next load of bollox that comes outta my gob is completely made up.

[Pat Ostman]

"It's actually a nice walk this one" - Often muttered by a Line Manager as he ushes a new reserve to the worst delivery in the office.

[bandit1157]

This one is real I'm afraid
Manager to driver "if you start 30mins later because you'll be finishing 30mins later you will have an extra 30mins to deliver packets" = I'm making this up as I go along, hope he doesn't notice.

[freelunch]

"Let me introduce you to your new P&L driver, our second-best postie in the office" - This is the guy no-one else will work with. The lazy van-sitting tw@t that is going to make your life so much harder.

[Tanker007]

The holiday list will be going up in the next few days!... Yer!.. right!

[DB1100]

I'm just phoning to see if you are ok= I'm watching you,you lazy bastard.

[dvbuk55]

I tried really hard to get someone to cover nobody wanted to work o/t = I asked the cleaner to do the delivery on her way home but she wouldn't

[fishtank]

I'm under pressure=I told the wife I'd be home by 10am to pick her mother up from the train station,she'll kill me if i'm late.

I'm going out to do part of a delivery=I'm taking my own mail home.

We're all in this together=You're in it up to your necks,I might have a bit on my left shoe.

[UnhappyGremlin]

"I'll look into that and let you know" - I couldn't be less interested and have forgotten about this before ending the sentence.

"There's no room in the AL schedule for you to take leave then" - My pet wants that week off.

[bandit1157]

There's a vacancy at a nearby office, really good walk = You're a sh1t stirrer and I want rid of you.

[Sidley]

Yes - no
Probably - no
Possibly - no
Opportunity - problem
Problem - your problem
No - never ever will there be the slightest hint of a possibility of the briefest glimmer of a chance
Flexibility - the opportunity to swap 30 minutes of walking the streets for coming in later to 30 minutes worth of prep not having been done. Or nebulous term for whatever gets them out of the s**t for minimum outlay.
Resourcing - spreading the butter as thin as inhumanly possible
Give and take - guess who's giving?
The bigger picture - my bonus

[5plusbonusball]

"Traffics down" - busy as hell as normal!

[mailmonkey]

"yeah this walk's a piece of piss, just follow your nose" = 'I know you've never done this walk and don't know the area, and I know we don't have any laminated maps for people new to the walk, and I haven't got a clue what any of the walks are like cos these coffees won't drink themselves, so do one yeah.'

[dvbuk55]

Seriously? = seriously I couldn't give a crap

[DB1100]

I will get someone to throw your round in while you do the missort run=you will be busy when you get back.