“We will try it for one year, but don’t worry, if you fall short of the target by 99.9%. This will be classed as successful, remember *YOU* have helped the company save money and we may reward you with a discretionary payment up to £9.62 per week, minus the tax of course, silly you! (£500/52weeks) but really we wont! You can try even harder when we extend it for a second year. Know it for a fact, no contractual nonsense at Royal Mail. We are such a Great employer!”• Applicable to Delivery & Processing for one year but with option to extend if successful. It would be discretionary not contractual.
High level objectives:
“Forget lazy Larry who has a balanced home and work life, only works his contracted hours, takes his full break etc.....BOOOOOO as long as YOU work even harder than you do now, cut corners, doorstep, ooops did I just say that. YOU can reward yourself with the knowledge, that you are better than Lazy Larry, that will be a super awesome feeling.”• Drive productivity improvements at a unit / MC level / RDC level based upon individual targets
“Now Team, this is where things get real, YOU need to work harder and harder than you ever did before. Just think what you can achieve, beating year 3 targets in year 2! Super awesome feeling! How do you ask that, I hear you say, well just think of that coffin shaped hole in the ground that you are itching to fill, along with that made-up silly illness arthritis, who wants knees away? You won’t feel that bad back in the coffin! Plus, you won’t feel knackered anymore, as can rest as much as you want in the coffin. Sounds fun, doesn’t it! Just remember Royal mails motto ‘We are a caring employer’.”• Accelerate year 3 Pathway to Change targets in year 2
“Team, I have to confess something here, when I say I care about our employees, but I don’t really, it’s the shareholders I deeply care for. I feel really bad and upset, that I, I mean Royal Mail, have to hand our worthless employees something like 50%, that is outrageous, they should be paying us!”• Productivity gains realised at a unit level with individual targets being agreed. benefits would be shared 50/50 between the employees and the company.
“We have already got culture in the workplace, it’s called B&H, but due to the PC crowd we are not allowed to call it that anymore, so it’s now ‘Culture’. Adding employee based targets in the unit, will spice things up a bit more! I’m going go to hell for that.”We want to create a culture of success which colleagues can share in. In the Pathway to Change agreement, we introduced productivity targets, but we are not achieving them in most workplaces. We want to incentivise colleagues to work as a team to achieve and exceed these targets.
“Royal Mail will not and does not promise anything close to £500, but with your help, your blood and sweat, your sheer determination to go above and beyond, we will offer you the *chance* that *could* lead a financial reward of *up to* £500 per year! Just think what you could spend that money on, part payment towards new knees, back treatment, that coffin you have had your eye for a long time, your dreams will become reality. Remember, Royal Mail helps to get you in the ground quicker"We believe this approach could deliver incentives of around £500 per year, per employee. It will improve our productivity as a business and that will help us grow, compete and success as well as continue to offer great jobs.
Just some fun :)
struggle to finish our own walks without going out with extra workload.