Job vacancy in Old Street

[smokerjim]

Sits. Vac.

Job Description

A new position has been created in our head office in central London. This will be a challenging and demanding role, suitable only for the right applicant. You will be reporting directly to and accountable only to the Chairman and the Chief Executive of Royal Mail Group plc, and though it is not planned, it is possible you might have to work in enclosed spaces - however, your main responsibilities will lie with getting our people ( the proles / great unwashed ) to think one thing, but vote another ie:"This deal is s**t - who the f**k agreed to this? What f***ing drugs was he on at the time?" ( un-namedOPG 22/10/07 ) "How did I vote? I voted 'yes' - if I wasted 8 days pay for that piece of s**t, how many more do I have to lose to keep my pride and dignity in my job?" ( same OPG some weeks later )

Requirements

You will have strong influencing and non-communication skills and an excellent knowledge of leading edge people practices and tools across the whole executive range. Ideally you will have a CIPD or equivalent HR related professional qualification and experience of delivering transformational change. ( Do you have any idea what we are talking about? Neither do we - we made it all up, but it f***ing sounds the bollocks, don't it? )

Where will you work?

Royal Mail House, Old Street, London. EC1, and at other locations as and when needed.

The Individual

You will be someone that used to work for Royal Mail, back in the good old days, but have spent so long climbing the greasy pole in the union hierarchy, you have forgotten all about the conditions you hated, the very reasons that got you on your long journey to Wimbledon - all you know now is you don't ever want to go back there ( though to be honest, after your most recent debacle, if you did go back, you might get lynched ). We realise there are some for whom the prize they seek is a comfy, fat, well paid gig in Parliment ( Lord for preference - Viscount Hayes or Baron Ward both have a nice ring to them....but Commons with a large majority will do ), but this role is a part-time position ( much like Parliment, but with less to do ), and the people we are aiming this at, we already know have a proven track-record of getting our people to see things from RM's point of view.

Salary, T&Cs and benefits are negotiable to the right candidate, however, if more than one appropiate candidate applies we will consider the possiblity of a job-share between candidates.

Thank you for your time, and good luck with your application for RM Executive Jobbie Polisher

[IWW Fellow Worker]

Nice one Jim. You won't be applying I take it?

[smokerjim]

Nice one Jim. You won't be applying I take it?

I'm not a senior union official, nor looking for a gig in SW1, erm.....oh yeah, I got principles and a spine!

[k979aaa]

Sits. Vac.

Job Description

A new position has been created in our head office in central London. This will be a challenging and demanding role, suitable only for the right applicant. You will be reporting directly to and accountable only to the Chairman and the Chief Executive of Royal Mail Group plc, and though it is not planned, it is possible you might have to work in enclosed spaces - however, your main responsibilities will lie with getting our people ( the proles / great unwashed ) to think one thing, but vote another ie:"This deal is s**t - who the f**k agreed to this? What f***ing drugs was he on at the time?" ( un-namedOPG 22/10/07 ) "How did I vote? I voted 'yes' - if I wasted 8 days pay for that piece of s**t, how many more do I have to lose to keep my pride and dignity in my job?" ( same OPG some weeks later )

Requirements

You will have strong influencing and non-communication skills and an excellent knowledge of leading edge people practices and tools across the whole executive range. Ideally you will have a CIPD or equivalent HR related professional qualification and experience of delivering transformational change. ( Do you have any idea what we are talking about? Neither do we - we made it all up, but it f***ing sounds the bollocks, don't it? )

Where will you work?

Royal Mail House, Old Street, London. EC1, and at other locations as and when needed.

The Individual

You will be someone that used to work for Royal Mail, back in the good old days, but have spent so long climbing the greasy pole in the union hierarchy, you have forgotten all about the conditions you hated, the very reasons that got you on your long journey to Wimbledon - all you know now is you don't ever want to go back there ( though to be honest, after your most recent debacle, if you did go back, you might get lynched ). We realise there are some for whom the prize they seek is a comfy, fat, well paid gig in Parliment ( Lord for preference - Viscount Hayes or Baron Ward both have a nice ring to them....but Commons with a large majority will do ), but this role is a part-time position ( much like Parliment, but with less to do ), and the people we are aiming this at, we already know have a proven track-record of getting our people to see things from RM's point of view.

Salary, T&Cs and benefits are negotiable to the right candidate, however, if more than one appropiate candidate applies we will consider the possiblity of a job-share between candidates.

Thank you for your time, and good luck with your application for RM Executive Jobbie Polisher

what's the pay package i don't get out of bed for less tham £5 million

[Sandyman]

I presume the successful applicant will be the one who gets the worst score on a lie detector test.

The old saying rings true "If a manager's breathing, he's lying"