Well, my knees are frozen. Should have waited to give the shorts their first outing, really, but I needed something to lift my spirits.
Had to deliver a parcel to the lady in the frilly nightgown – a ‘signed-for’, as luck would have it. Kept the van running and put my sunglasses on in the hope she wouldn’t recognise me, but no such luck. She leant coyly on the doorframe as she signed for the parcel and informed me that I was a ‘naughty boy’ but that she’d ‘decided to give me another chance.’ I backed away, informing her that unfortunately I would not be in a position to let her assist with the emptying of my sacks, but she was unwrapping her parcel and not listening. She produced what I can only describe as a tube of black rubber and held it up against herself, informing me she couldn’t wait to try it on, and asking if a big strong fellow like me could help with the zip.
Retreated to the van, which stalled. As I tried to restart it she was cackling and leering and banging on the window and affording me nightmare glimpses of what lay beneath the frilly nightgown. As I still had my sunglasses on, i closed my eyes and was too upset to open them for a bit, which meant I most unfortunately then ran over a stray sheep, incurring an unbelievable amount o paperwork.
On the plus side, managed to avoid having any dogs thrown at me today, but was bitten by a toddler: savage little bugger – snarled at me from a mask of Marmite and drool, and when I smiled in a friendly manner and asked “Is your Mummy in?” it lunged for my ankle. I retreated, shaking my leg, and managed to throw it off in a ditch by the gate, where it sat making threatening bubbling noises until I was safely locked in the van.
Not much of an improvement on yesterday, all in all.
Oh, well. Onward and upwards!
