POSTMANS UNIVERSAL LAWS

Post by **Lounge Lizard** » 27 Sep 2007, 19:56

bertie wrote:Had a good one the other day delivering a packet. You know how it goes, knocking on the door, ringing the bell, going round back of house etc.
Nothing doing so writes out a p739. Just about to post it and yes, you guessed, a woman appears from across the road.

'I always take mail for them' she says, 'it's my daughter in law'
Thought I'd better make sure so I asked her what name it was....and she gave me her name.
No, who's the packet for I said.
'My daughter in law'

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH

btw, anyone got a good reply to 'where's your black and white cat' ?

Up a tree.

smarterdarter · Post by **smarterdarter** » 28 Sep 2007, 19:37

If it looks like it won't fit DON'T try it
Knocked on this chap's door, long time waiting. looked at the packet and thought
i can persuade that through only to get it half way in and then it wouldn't budge either
in or out.(sound familiar)

So there i am on my knees pulling and pushing and then the c**t open's the door
i stumble forward and headbutt him in the b*ll*cks.

What can you do? made my excuses and left muttering fu*king e-bay

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

ROCKY · Post by **ROCKY** » 28 Sep 2007, 19:42

fed it to the dog she likes tasty treats
or
had the little bastard stuffed,guy said it would have been easier if it had been dead first
or
disapeared a few weeks ago whilst i was delivering to your local take away
RIP JESS

guswood · Post by **guswood** » 29 Sep 2007, 16:39

I love it when they just take the item from you without saying a word.
I say " I beg your pardon? " They just give you a vacant look. So I say
"I'm sorry, I thought you said thankyou "

frankie · Post by **frankie** » 01 Oct 2007, 12:54

Post by **POSTMAN** » 01 Oct 2007, 22:57

frankie wrote:
guswood wrote:I love it when they just take the item from you without saying a word.
I say " I beg your pardon? " They just give you a vacant look. So I say
"I'm sorry, I thought you said thankyou "

Knocked on a door, one Saturday with a Reg item, no answer, filled out the 739, just as I'm about to put the 737 through the letter box....yep, you got it, the owner comes to the door . I pass over the card for him to sign, which he does. He takes the item turns, goes back inside and shuts the door....not a word from him,no kiss my ar*e or nothing!

Gashead!!

frankie · Post by **frankie** » 02 Oct 2007, 19:04

hull1977 · Post by **hull1977** » 04 Oct 2007, 18:07

Had one Moaning minny come out to me saying that i had miss delivered a letter (you know terrace the same name as street) she gave me a right earfull i just apologized and said we all make mistakes sometimes but the very next day she came out again' You've done it again' she said giving me the letter back as i looked at it the the letter was addressed correctly this time she had made the mistake which i gladly pointed out to her, satisfying not a big enough word

buzzer · Post by **buzzer** » 04 Oct 2007, 18:57

They come to the door then say, " sorry Postman i didn't hear you knock!" WHAT!

smokerjim · Post by **smokerjim** » 04 Oct 2007, 19:36

buzzer wrote:They come to the door then say, " sorry Postman i didn't hear you knock!" WHAT!

Yeah, just before they notice the indentations in their door from your knuckles - and start moaning about that!

frankie · Post by **frankie** » 05 Oct 2007, 08:12

beethoven646 · Post by **beethoven646** » 07 Oct 2007, 22:16

hull1977 wrote:Had one Moaning minny come out to me saying that i had miss delivered a letter (you know terrace the same name as street) she gave me a right earfull i just apologized and said we all make mistakes sometimes but the very next day she came out again' You've done it again' she said giving me the letter back as i looked at it the the letter was addressed correctly this time she had made the mistake which i gladly pointed out to her, satisfying not a big enough word

On my day off the floater had left a P739 for a pain in the a*se young mother who's at home all day. Next day I go to redeliver the packet - knocks loudly, rings bell (so I thought) and no answer. In goes the P739 and as soon as I walk away the door flies open.

"I can't hear you if you don't ring the bell!".

"I just did", says I.

"You can't have"

"I DID".

Woman tries bell and finds it's f***ed. Cue red face on her and smug face on me. Gave me the signature and never said another word. Satisfaction beyond compare!

beethoven646 · Post by **beethoven646** » 07 Oct 2007, 22:18

Surprised no one has mentioned the timeless, 'humourous' classic that is

"Well it's better than walking the streets!"

simply_the_best · Post by **simply_the_best** » 08 Oct 2007, 11:25

"if its a brown one you can keep it"

What about the twats that you know that can fill out a 20 page benefits form but don't understand a basic "print there and sign below" does my head in

postie28 · Post by **postie28** » 08 Oct 2007, 11:50

haven't had any post since last thursday. have you been on strike or summat ?