Anyone got any good sarcastic comments re RM/managers ineptitude that I can use in the Have Your Say comments?
I can usually think of something but seem to suffering from writers block at the moment. Need some inspiration!
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Have Your Say
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TrueBlueTerrier
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He shows an outstanding ability to mismanage the fair distribution of all duties
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bandit650
- Posts: 880
- Joined: 14 Aug 2007, 15:42
- Gender: Female
If i managed my work load like the manager of this office i would be taking me down to the un employment office,does a nice line in bullying and harassment.
could'nt manage his/her way out of a paper bag,if blue sky thinking is the managers way of dealing with people issues the management of this office would be at the front of the que.
There is no u in team working there is no i either there is only me!
could'nt manage his/her way out of a paper bag,if blue sky thinking is the managers way of dealing with people issues the management of this office would be at the front of the que.
There is no u in team working there is no i either there is only me!
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DGP1
- Posts: 15551
- Joined: 07 Jun 2007, 20:39
- Gender: Male
- Location: Terminus
Job Evaluation Dictionary Joke
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
Dictionary of Evaluation Comments
Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out.
AVERAGE: Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date.
ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily.
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still one step ahead of the law.
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL: Will stick with us until retirement.
QUICK THINKING: Offers plausible excuses for errors.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK: Conceited.
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPERTUNITY TO PROGRESS: Buys drinks for superiors.
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION: Knows more than superiors.
STERN DISCIPLINARIAN: A real jerk.
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS: Knows when to keep mouth shut.
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC: Finds someone else to do the job.
A KEEN ANALYST: Thoroughly confused.
NOT A DESK PERSON: Did not go to college.
EXPRESSES SELF WELL: Can string two sentences together.
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB: Miserable home life.
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL: Scared.
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL: A nitpicker.
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP: Has a loud voice.
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND: Lucky.
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE: A snob.
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes.
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn.
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward.
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time.
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else.
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip.
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed.
HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way.
ENJOYS JOB: Needs more to do.
HAPPY: Paid too much.
WELL ORGANIZED: Does too much busywork.
COMPETENT: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN: Annoying.
WILL GO FAR: Relative of management.
SHOULD GO FAR: Please.
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY: Clock watcher.
VERY CREATIVE: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work.
USES RESOURSES WELL: Delegates everything.
DESERVES PROMOTION: Create new title to make h/h feel appreciated.
I'm preparing myself for the zombie invasion, rule number 1 - Cardio
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DGP1
- Posts: 15551
- Joined: 07 Jun 2007, 20:39
- Gender: Male
- Location: Terminus
or
Great lines from job evaluations!
1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. The biggest tool in the shed.
12. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
13. A room temperature IQ.
14. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
15. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
16. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
17. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Fell out of the family tree.
21. Bright as Alaska in December.
22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
23. Has two brains: one is lost; and the other is looking for it.
24. If brains were taxed she would get a refund.
25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
26. He’s so dense light bends around him.
27. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you would get change.
28. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
29. It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
30. One neuron short of a synapse.
31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
33. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
34. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
35. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of mobid curiosity
Great lines from job evaluations!
1. I would not allow this employee to breed.
2. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more definitely a won’t be.
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she stops to open her mouth, it seems it is only to change whichever foot was previously there.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
8. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
9. This employee should go far and sooner he starts, the better.
10. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
11. The biggest tool in the shed.
12. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
13. A room temperature IQ.
14. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it together.
15. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
16. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
17. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
18. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
19. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
20. Fell out of the family tree.
21. Bright as Alaska in December.
22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
23. Has two brains: one is lost; and the other is looking for it.
24. If brains were taxed she would get a refund.
25. If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week.
26. He’s so dense light bends around him.
27. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts you would get change.
28. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
29. It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
30. One neuron short of a synapse.
31. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.
33. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
34. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
35. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of mobid curiosity
I'm preparing myself for the zombie invasion, rule number 1 - Cardio
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L Tommo
- Posts: 3165
- Joined: 06 Feb 2007, 09:43
- Gender: Male
- Location: WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME!
How about???
DONT ANSWER THE HYS form.......
Why add any time to your day when you should of done this in RM TIME.???? If done at all...?
I wouldnt do it at all because RM never listen and it gives them licence to say,, "WE HAVE GIVEN YOU A CHANCE TO HYS."
So protest that RM never listen and dont do the dam thing!!!!! And when everbody doesnt do them RM will have to ask why??? They will blame us anyway.... Why should we have to waste our time with them and there BULLSHITE????
I cant understand the people STILL think RM give a shite????
THEY DONT AND YOUR WASTING YOUR TIME DOING THEM!!!
#
OUT
Why add any time to your day when you should of done this in RM TIME.???? If done at all...?
I wouldnt do it at all because RM never listen and it gives them licence to say,, "WE HAVE GIVEN YOU A CHANCE TO HYS."
So protest that RM never listen and dont do the dam thing!!!!! And when everbody doesnt do them RM will have to ask why??? They will blame us anyway.... Why should we have to waste our time with them and there BULLSHITE????
I cant understand the people STILL think RM give a shite????
THEY DONT AND YOUR WASTING YOUR TIME DOING THEM!!!
#
OUT
L TOMMO.... ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM........
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
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strangler
- Posts: 441
- Joined: 07 Jun 2007, 15:43
Re: How about???
I just put 'strongly disagree' in EVERY box but I like to include a nice slice of sarcasm in the comments as they have to print them plus it gives the others a laugh. Best of all I like to see the manager squirm when they`re read outL Tommo wrote:DONT ANSWER THE HYS form.......
Why add any time to your day when you should of done this in RM TIME.???? If done at all...?
I wouldnt do it at all because RM never listen and it gives them licence to say,, "WE HAVE GIVEN YOU A CHANCE TO HYS."
So protest that RM never listen and dont do the dam thing!!!!! And when everbody doesnt do them RM will have to ask why??? They will blame us anyway.... Why should we have to waste our time with them and there BULLSHITE????
I cant understand the people STILL think RM give a shite????
THEY DONT AND YOUR WASTING YOUR TIME DOING THEM!!!
#
OUT
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Harold Hardrada
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L Tommo
- Posts: 3165
- Joined: 06 Feb 2007, 09:43
- Gender: Male
- Location: WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME!
Strangler mate... I myself love a little bit of the old sarki comment myself....
But wot RM do is just a piss take... They NEVER listen and its only worth 20mins off the floor in RM's time.... Not ours....
RM will look at all the sarki comments n bin em.... Job done for them.... Im not trying to burst ya bubble mate its just RM feck me and all of us over every time we sign them HYS forms......
Its just my opinion mate... By not doing them enmass then we make a statement....
Ohh another thing... YES THEY ARE REALLY CONFIDENTIAL AS WELL!!!
NOPE.... Got a bar code and with your name on... I used to write my name on em and send the sarki forms back... They just mark u as a target.. I still dont care but they do use them in my opinion....
OUT
But wot RM do is just a piss take... They NEVER listen and its only worth 20mins off the floor in RM's time.... Not ours....
RM will look at all the sarki comments n bin em.... Job done for them.... Im not trying to burst ya bubble mate its just RM feck me and all of us over every time we sign them HYS forms......
Its just my opinion mate... By not doing them enmass then we make a statement....
Ohh another thing... YES THEY ARE REALLY CONFIDENTIAL AS WELL!!!
NOPE.... Got a bar code and with your name on... I used to write my name on em and send the sarki forms back... They just mark u as a target.. I still dont care but they do use them in my opinion....OUT
L TOMMO.... ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM........
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
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ROCKY
- Posts: 2801
- Joined: 03 Dec 2006, 13:18
words to use
bully
harrasment
rasicsm
favourites
health and safe problems
injuries at work
any complaints in posh words and well stated do get noted avoid its not fair,i think,i feel,etc,make it sound like a general feeling and get your mates to do the same,most people tick the worst case box its the statements that get noticed
bully
harrasment
rasicsm
favourites
health and safe problems
injuries at work
any complaints in posh words and well stated do get noted avoid its not fair,i think,i feel,etc,make it sound like a general feeling and get your mates to do the same,most people tick the worst case box its the statements that get noticed