nearly killed today !

[mylegshurt]

i just pictured it with the misses ,lol runny nose and all. can immagine it now.lol

[POSTMAN]

Theres this dog on my delivery ...big black maneater called Bruce ,every morning I pass him ,and every morning hes out .Luckily for me hes behind a 5 foot gate but every morning we go through the same old wind up ..snarl ,bark ,pace slobber ,you know how it is ...come on Bruce do your worst ..and yep hed eat me given half the chance .This morning he was out again and off we went waking up the neighbourhood ,jumping up and snarling , only today there was an unfamiliar ..'click '...the gate swung open ...he looked at me.. I looked at him ,both thinking the same thats not in the script ,needless to say i s**t myself and after climbing on top of an empty wheelie bin ,dressed in my traffic cone Rm muppet garb that is supposed to keep you dry , i thought I was in for it .10 bloody mins I was on that bloody bin and wall , when mrs collins ,a sprightly 90 year old came to my rescue....Come now Bruce leave the postie alone , and off he went wagging his bloody tail ....cars were passing pipping there horns .cheering me on ,admiring my bravery ,only for me to give most the preverbral 2 fingers ...... you know I must have looked a right p***k , all for £200 a week ...sigh

I know this is a serious post,but it's funny as f**k

[DGP1]

:lfo :cfo Felang mate, take him some choccy bikkies every day and feed him. One week later and he's eating out of your hand. Oh! thats if he Don't Bite The Hand That Feeds Him----------------------A KORNY KWAK(Well I think it is)

I really hate people who feed dogs, just leave them alone 'you winker' (I train my dogs not to BITE so why can't everybody else) anybody who can't train their dogs properly should be put down before their dogs

[Homo Harry]

When I was a newbie postie, on my last day of "walk training" (remember that, when they used to send you out with a regular postman to learn a walk!!!) and me and this regular postie had decided to do a street each as it was a saturday and we wanted a flyer.

Anyhows, I had my first run in with an alsation. It was raining hard and being new i hadn't been issued waterproofs. So I was soaked. This alsation came belting out of a garden and had me in the middle of the road, defending myself with my bag and boots. The dog circled around me so I couldn't get out of the road, but it was really early and there was no traffic.

After about 5 minutes of barking, the owner appeared at the door and shouted at his dog...

"oi.. Rambo!" (I kid you not...)

Bark bark bark bark...

"get in here you f***ing barstard!!!"

Bark bark bark bark...

"Rambo!"

Bark bark bark bark...

"f**k ya then!!!!"

And he closed the door and left me there with the dog .... the dog looked at me, I looked at the dog, the dog gave a doggy type shrug and went back to the dry porch...

:lol:

[fedup postie]

You've gotta love the doggie stories. Although they are very serious, they are also soooooooo Funny

[BettySwollocks]

A few years ago now, i came off the vans to start doing walks again, and i ended up with a crap walk in a god forsaken place near where i live in Manchester, the second day i was on it, i was walking up this garden path, when the elderly lady who lived at the address opened her front door to take her mail, as soon as the door opened, this little "rat" dog came rocketing out, and made a bee line for my ankles,
i tried using my bag to shield myself, but the little bastard was doing figure 8's around my legs, it then jumped and bit into my leg just above the knee, i was gonna introduce it to my friend "Dr. Martyn" but the old dear who owned it was there and i couldn't bring myself to harm her little "cherub"
literally a week later, same thing happened, walking up the garden path, front door opens, rat dog comes hurtling at me, straightaway i think balls to this, and booted the little s***, but being 6ft 2 and about 14+ stone and the rat dog being about 10 inches high and about the same weight as a bag of sugar, it was a bit of a mismatch, the little s*** must have somersaulted about 3 times before it landed (not joking),
it ran straight back inside the house yelping, with the elderly owner freaking out, i handed her mail to her and went on my way,
it turns out, her daughter was in the kitchen and seen what i did, she was waiting for me the next day and apologised about the dog,
but explained her mother had Alzeimers and kept forgeting to keep the dog inside,
i briefly (well....for a few seconds anyway) felt guilty about nearly killing her dog.

[dvbuk55]

theres a guy in our office vmisses a whole cul de sac if the 2 alsations that live at the bottom are out and about.
dont blame him as these are 2 big fookers. kept as gaurd dogs as they keep falcons in the garden!!
we get constant complaints from people who live in the cul de sac who feel this 50 year 8 stone guy should just brave it against the 2 dogs!

I have same problem, if dog(s) are out I leave out two streets...

Trouble is the dogs only go for the male posties not the regular female postie..

That'll be pheromones - there is a solution - it would depend on how amenable ...................