unwanted behaviour

[blackadder]

some mate ? who needs enemies. if fings that bad speak to someone, do you know a female manager ?? whatever you do you probley feel shitty over it, excuse the french. you have to do what you fink is best.

[walkertom]

Here's what I think and I'm not an expert. You need to talk to someone you can trust, perhaps CWU helpline.

Write everything down in a diary. Who said what, where, when and any witnesses. You'll be amazed how useful that will be if the case goes formal.

If it's nasty bullying where they think they can say anything to you out of earshot of others, use an mp3 player or your phone. Set it recording then go about your business as normal.

Remember bullying is behaviour that is unwanted by you. So write down what it was that was unwanted. They may have to account for their behaviour and it's not your fault how they've behaved.

If you can use the informal approach, that's fine, but not everyone can. Your written evidence will be handy when required. Keep your recording secret and don't tell anyone about it unless lies are told.

Good luck

[spoodoo]

weve a bully and a control freak in our office hes been in office loads reg bullying ,the next time will be his last ,weve all had enough of him .

[Thorby Bislam]

There was a female postie committed suicide because of being bullied a few years back. I cant remember her name but I'm sure somebody on here will. We dont want Jeanie to be another one. Speak up girl. Might be a bit awkward for a couple weeks but if you dont it'll never end.

[jeanie]

My biggest concern is that if I go for the formal warning the investigater might suggest placing us both in different offices and I don't want to move. Ive told that to our relief manager, I just don't know what todo and have been told only I can make the decision.

[chunk]

Ive noticed in my office that the office banter which is generally good humored and entertaining can sometimes develop into
bullying.
especially when its repetitive and aimed at the same individuals.
our office isnt overtly racist or sexist and even a gay postman seems to have been accepted as part of the crew.
but ive seen how running jokes can persist long after they stop being funny.

example from a few years back:
A youngish lad ( seemed to me!)probably about 23 living on his own had no current girlfriend .
he made the mistake of admitting that his sex life wasnt all that.
mistake! opened the floodgates to a lot of ribbing, some about the women on his round, some about dating sites on the Internet
turned to jokes about how he must have a huge porn collection,
I i began to get very uneasy about it all. but he weathered the storm and
gave as good as he got .and had no more problems.
I think the same group banter exists in the armed forces on building sites in shops and factory's and certainly i dont think posties are any worse
than other professions ive been in.

[meercat]

My biggest concern is that if I go for the formal warning the investigater might suggest placing us both in different offices and I don't want to move. Ive told that to our relief manager, I just don't know what todo and have been told only I can make the decision.

Jeanie the first step in most grievance process and certainly an 'on going low level harrassment' one is to warn the relevant party to stop their behaviour. You can't expect to get a successful outcome from an investigation unless you have warned the person that they are harrassing you otherwise they can rightly claim they didn't know you were taking it badly and that to them it was a joke and a laugh.

So step 1 is warn the guy. Step 2 is make detailed diary entries on continuing behaviour. You need a record of repeated events AFTER your verbal warning.
Then you can hand in your grievance form and expect a good outcome. Only with your detailed records will this get serious attention. It's not a bad process and it will lead to the treatment ending. You canot be forced to move to another DO as a result of this investigation as that would be discrimination. The other guy can be moved or sacked but you can't be forced to go by management. Don't take this crap life is too short. RM take bullying seriously so don't worry about that.

[jeanie]

I really do appreciate all the imput and support, hes already had a warning of a manager but that was years ago. The past couple of days he stayed away from me , even when he passed me in the corridor he stepped aside and put his head down, I was gobsmacked usually he trys to walk right through me with an attitude and a dirty look so that was certainly encouraging. Is that right though that they can't make me go to a different office!!!! Ive wrote a complaint form listing briefly what had been going on but when I read it back I thought they might think it just petty squabble and seperate us by placing us in different offices.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

I when I read it back I thought they might think it just petty squabble and seperate us by placing us in different offices.

Thing is when you read it back to yourself it always sounds petty and unimportant. The reason is because the passion and feelings that the incident have caused are only a memory and without them it seems to make the problem appear smaller than it is. Always try to look at it dispassionately but never forget what it made you feel like, after all its not the incident in of itself thats important, but how it made YOU feel.

I would advise when reporting such incidents always try to keep to the facts, but always include the feelings it caused.

[mazza111]

please please please, start keeping a diary of all the events, even if you don't feel like reporting them. Even take a note of what action u took, ie: I asked Jimmy not to speak to me like that, put me in that position, bully me.. and what his response was, call the bullying and harassment helpline. It's there to help with these matters, and can be kept anonymous, there are trained counsellors on call. This evidence could all prove invaluable in the future, and shows that u've tried to be proactive to deal with it :)

[meercat]

Is that right though that they can't make me go to a different office!!!!

Well ofcourse actually they can but they would have to give you valid logisical reasons for a move and you being bullied would not be a valid reason logisical or not so you could successfully challenge the imposed move via grievance proceedure or even an employment court and get your old placemnet back.

Now that it seems like he may have got the message make sure you don't create any friction or unintentional upset as he can equally complain about being treated improperly by you putting you in a bad light.

[jeanie]

Thanks for all your replies, just an update, manager had the guy in that was causing me problems, he highlighted his behaviour not only to me but other members of staff. He was basically educated on royalmails policy on how you are expected to behave whilst at work and failure to do so would result in the conduct code. That his behaviour was not exceptable and if he didn't change his ways action would be taken against him. Ive notice a big change in him for example there have been 2 occasions when we have passed ont he corridor, the first time he stepped aside and put his head down, and the second he held the door open for me. In the passed he would try and walk right through me with attitude and give me a dirty look which would result in my stepping aside and looking away and made to feel uncomforable. Ive been to work the passed couple of days and felt more relaxed that I don't have to pussyfoot around him as not to upset him. No doubt after a couple of months he won't be on his guard as much and may slip into his old ways but the manager who is just a stand in manager has told me to keep a diary and I would be then in a better position to make a formal complaint and that I could get in touch with him and he would be happy to deal with it even though he is not our permanent manager. This manager has been a manager for donkeys years and has a high grade and it certainly would save me from having to go through the whole story again with someone else. All in all a good result I think as long as this guy dosnt let his guard down, at least now when he comes to work he knows how I felt.

[mazza111]

That's a nice result Jeannie, at least you know now that the manager is on side and nice to see a manager actually managing. Well done to that manager :)

[blackadder]

well done, hope its a lot better place for you to work in now