The Magical Bonus

Bloke7 · Post by **Bloke7** » 17 Aug 2007, 08:14

Dear (Manager) Colleague,

This year we have been operating at a loss of Â£12 million and we are pleased to announce we have destroyed what once was a proud public service which ran quite well for 350 years without much interference. Our achievements in the past year have been stunning and it's been great to have you working long hours, driving vehicles you weren't insured for, and breaking many levels of Health and Safety legislation. We're proud to work our managers into the ground as we're sure they're happy to receive our thanks on the newly installed Plasma Screens that inhabit most offices these days.

Although, saying that, with us operating at a loss, you'll be happy to know this doesn't affect your bonus this year, and as yours isn't tied into some crazy "moving-figure" (edit: don't forget to take out "creative accounting" Adam***) budget like the people you manage, yours will be paid even though we haven't made a penny this year. Feel proud that we are looking to you and ignoring those whiners who deliver and sort the mail everyday and go that extra mile for nothing! As you know we think a job well done is done at the slightest of cost, and since we're not making any money anymore it's great that the whiners are doing it for us.

Even though we're offering new starters lower and lower hours, be assured that your jobs are safe for the future as whether we make money or not, you'll always get some kind of recompense for doing your job, while we'll eat away at those whiner's Union and other facilities until there's just the bare bones left and hopefully we'll be able to hand it off to some other private firm then (as the government will be sick of us paying out huge bonuses to managers and senior managers by then), who will run the service even more into the ground creating an angry public reaction on the BBC News website which most people don't look at. The rest of the apathetic public will just have to cope with mail at 5pm and like it or lump it!

We have a great future ahead of us, as we were quick to drain the pension fund and store that in some offshore accounts somewhere, and we can use that money, and the money the whiners put back in for us after we've stripped them of most of their allowances, to pay for OUR retirements.

Here's to a fantastic future at Royal Mail (or whatever we'll be called in the future).

From
Two "Businessmen"

Post by **baldrick** » 17 Aug 2007, 08:19

Good one!!!!

pistol · Post by **pistol** » 17 Aug 2007, 10:26

like that a lot....pleeeeease someone send that to "you know who"

IWW Fellow Worker · Post by **IWW Fellow Worker** » 17 Aug 2007, 10:31

Brilliant. And so true!

pinstripe · Post by **pinstripe** » 17 Aug 2007, 12:11

What? You mean this isn't real. Are you sure? It has a certain ring of truth to it. Saying that, it's obviously not real then. :lfo

jafferpants · Post by **jafferpants** » 17 Aug 2007, 15:27

HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU. A FIRM MAKES A TRADING LOSS AND THE THE MANAGERS RECEIVE TOTAL BONUSES OF Â£40 MILLION . WHY IS THIS NOT ON THE FRONT OF EVERY PAPER IN THE COUNTRY?.

somerset · Post by **somerset** » 17 Aug 2007, 15:33

jafferpants wrote:HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU. A FIRM MAKES A TRADING LOSS AND THE THE MANAGERS RECEIVE TOTAL BONUSES OF Â£40 MILLION . WHY IS THIS NOT ON THE FRONT OF EVERY PAPER IN THE COUNTRY?.

Agree with that but where do you get the figure Â£40 million from?

whitetrash · Post by **whitetrash** » 17 Aug 2007, 19:24

NICE ONE

IWW Fellow Worker · Post by **IWW Fellow Worker** » 17 Aug 2007, 19:27

brisomerset wrote:
jafferpants wrote:HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU. A FIRM MAKES A TRADING LOSS AND THE THE MANAGERS RECEIVE TOTAL BONUSES OF Â£40 MILLION . WHY IS THIS NOT ON THE FRONT OF EVERY PAPER IN THE COUNTRY?.
Agree with that but where do you get the figure Â£40 million from?

I think the actual figure was Â£43m according to the press. Somewhere on here there will be a thread about the bonus and how much the parasites got.