PIKEY AID
" F*** the address , just give the phone ; here's the number " 0800 555 111 and / or 0800 854 440
The earthquake destroyed the area causing in excess of £17.55 worth of damage, several priceless mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic interest, consisting of some burnt out cars and the closed dog food factory, were destroyed and many locals were woken before their giro's had arrived. One resident, Tracey Bernice Bernadette Fitzsimons (Frisky Fitzy to her friends), who is a 15 year old mother of four said, "It woz dead scary like, my little Chardonnay Britney came leggin it into me bedroom crying, me hands were shakin that much that I couldn't skin up watchin Trisha".
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help with the crisis; rescue workers are still searching through rubble and have found numerous Elizabeth Duke Sovereigns, Benefit Books, ornaments from Pound Stretcher and thousands of Littlewoods Catalogues; however, they have not managed to save any furniture from Crazy Georges.
How can you help? This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sort after. Urgently needed are: Lacoste Tracksuits (his and hers), checked socks, Burberry caps, woolly Beanie hats and Reebok trainers. Adidas hooded jackets would also be most welcome. Food parcels should include McCains Micro Chips, Aldi Beans, Monster Munch, and Iceland or Netto Pizzas. Alcohol is also in short supply, especially White Lightening Cider and Tenants Super Strength. Cash donations are urgently needed. Just 22p will buy a BIC Biro for signing on, £2.50 will buy a Jumbo Sausage Dinner from the chippie, £3 for a dodgy CD, £20 will buy a Fake Tax Disc (or 10 gallons of Red Diesel to burn the vehicle out) and £26 will buy 200 Ciggies from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos.
37% Chav more to do with economizing.....needs must , than joining those Brain Doners 
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MURDERERS. Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it to yourself via DHL. You will never see it again.
