POSTMANS UNIVERSAL LAWS

[feduppostie]

during the bad snow at the beginning of the year we had a phone call from a very irate customer - who ran a business from home - to state he had not had any mail for 3 days

explained that he lives in a very rural area and we had been unable to deliver due to the snow - but we could possibly leave it at the post office 2 miles away if he needed the mail desperately

to be told I can't get to the post office i'm snowed in!!!!!!!!!!!!

well how the feck are we supposed to deliver to you then

[kingofmcr]

pea brains who when asked to print and sign their name on a signing card.. draw a circle and hand it back hmmmmm ..gate freaks who come out effing and blinding ..cos their precious bloody gate has not been click closed properly ..i always imagine every time i deliver after that ..that they are sat staring out the window ..waiting for it to happen again ..sad twats

[Sippin40oz]

Also someone running down the road waving a tnt/dhl/parcelforce or whatever docket and politely telling them nothing to do with me,only to be met with I was in etc etc.Sorry love,not my problem!

Had a lady yesterday call me from back 15 houses away who obviously expected me to come to her. When i got there it was a slip from the council gas inspectors! I had to read it and explain to her what it was for as well....

After cancelled deliveries for 4 days last week, the past couple of days all ive heard from customers is 'we dont see you guys round here much anymore' and 'your a bit of a novelty around here' you would think they hadnt had post for 6 months or something...

And also customers asking why their mail is late whilst iam struggling to walk on the thick ice that has been there for 2 weeks!

again everywheres covered in ice or snow and iam dressed like an artic explorer.... 'its cold today isnt it postie' no sh**

I hate how in the summer every customer thinks you have a great job when your carrying a over weight bag in the mid day sun and sweating furiously!

'put your name here' points to the name box 'sign here' points to the signiture box' customer signs in the name box and hands it back to you

'iam waiting for a parcel have you got it for me?' customer asks 'i will check how big is it likely to be?' customer gestures for something about the size of your bag

People asking for directions and then getting mad when i cant help them really annoys me as well. Most of the time iam put on some random walk in the middle of nowhere and i barely know where i am not alone where they are going!

When you get towards the end of your walk and maybe you zone out a little its garanteed that a quiet dog will slam against a front door scaring the bejesus out of you!

[wiganpostie]

Knocking on a door with a packet customer comes to the door to find its locked "won't be a minute I'll just go get my key" they come back a couple of minutes later but still try the door before using the key like it magically opened
or a customer complaining about a mis-delivered leter which they have opened in error but still say its clear its not for them why did you open it then
Knobhead dole dossers with nothing better to do than wait behind the door and pretend to be a dog "your bird would be better at that mate the ugly bitch"

Funny how they all do that, it must form part of some brain-dead white trash scavenger's guide to interacting with people in uniform. On the estate that I deliver to they also sarcastically mimic the Rag & Bone man's cry, in between swigs of meths and pumping each other from behind to spawn more lazy, feckless cash cows.

[wiganpostie]

pea brains who when asked to print and sign their name on a signing card.. draw a circle and hand it back hmmmmm ..gate freaks who come out effing and blinding ..cos their precious bloody gate has not been click closed properly ..i always imagine every time i deliver after that ..that they are sat staring out the window ..waiting for it to happen again ..sad twats

I have a customer exactly like that - a demented old hag who comes to the door in a night dress that has brown s**t stains down the front of it (or maybe it's chocolate milk?). She's friendly enough as long as you close her gate, but goes into full evil eye mode if you don't.

[clashcityrocker]

Monday they don't have a packet but are in.
Tuesday they have a packet but are out.
Wednesday they don't have a packet but are in etc.....

[pokos27]

i hate being asked for letters in the street, people dont understand that a walk is just more than them.

[hunnybunny73]

If it looks like it won't fit DON'T try it
Knocked on this chap's door, long time waiting. looked at the packet and thought
i can persuade that through only to get it half way in and then it wouldn't budge either
in or out.(sound familiar)
So there i am on my knees pulling and pushing and then the c**t open's the door
i stumble forward and headbutt him in the b*ll*cks.

What can you do? made my excuses and left muttering fu*king e-bay

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

i remember a guy in our office, must have been about 1990-ish, he wasn't the sharpest tool in the box however he bent a packet in half to get it through the letterbox, only problem was.....it was an L.P record

[hunnybunny73]

workmen singing postman pat or wheres your black and white cat, to which i reply ' it went mad, so i shot it' (OK I'll get my coat), a dog that bit me once and the owner said its never done that before and i said, sarcastically 'well there's a first time for everything!', households that have dog s**t all over the paths and like everyone else, every day and i mean every day some twonk will say if its a bill you can take it back! aaaaaaargh and gates that are locked and I've a bundle of mail/packets for them, really the list is endless.

my parttner got bitten once in a block of flats in the presence of the owner, she said it was only doing as it was supposed to (protecting her) so he then kicked the dog in the bollocks and replied, thats what im supposed to do then.....she never even reported him

[Postman Plodd]

Lovely cobble effect driveways, ceramic tiled doorsteps and decking that turn into zero-friction areas at the slightest bit of snow or rain. Had 2 in short succession today that had me doing the splits like Bambi on ice whilst the handful of mail fluttered down into the snow like a game of 52 pick up. I mean im no arbiter of taste or anything but some of the places i deliver to have BATHROOM WALL TILES on the steps and round the front door. It looks crap, like a family member overestimated the quantities when doing his en-suite so he did you a favour giving your house a lovely fresh sea green frontage that just so happens to be a f*cking death trap when wet.

[BlueMail]

Whilst on a walk,it is standard practice for a member of the general public(preferably a middle aged bald man with a beer gut the size of Wales) to serenade you that delightful little ditty..'Postman Pat And His (Flipping) Black and White Cat'..The Postman/woman is required to find the rendition amusing and is also required to admire the wit and the orginality of the said member of the general public rather than to think that the said member of the general public is in fact a Twat.

[grabbertom]

posting letters through letter box when a terrier pokes is head out the cat flap to bite your legs.

[BELIAL]

posting letters through letter box when a terrier pokes is head out the cat flap to bite your legs.

Any walnuts on your walk ? rings a bell

[Royal_Fail]

This thread is comedy gold

[smokerjim]

Had some builders working on a customer's house today ( they've been at it all week ), and one wit said "Morning Pat" with a smirk on his face, and as I walked past I said "Morning Bob"....just a shame I didn't check to see if the smirk was wiped, and I'm on another duty next week