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Postmans poem

Postal workers discussion forum. Discuss the day to day life in a Blue Shirt.
bogues2009
Posts: 87
Joined: 27 Jan 2007, 16:20

Re: Postmans poem

Post by bogues2009 »

]My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun! :cry
User avatar
POSTMAN
SITE ADMINISTRATOR
Posts: 32724
Joined: 07 Aug 2006, 03:19
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by POSTMAN »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
I Wrote-During Covid-Which is still relevant now
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
Terry Butcher
Posts: 107
Joined: 05 Jun 2010, 19:07
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by Terry Butcher »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.
Straight4ward
EX ROYAL MAIL
Posts: 1621
Joined: 25 Oct 2009, 14:32
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by Straight4ward »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.
"Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway."
User avatar
POSTMAN
SITE ADMINISTRATOR
Posts: 32724
Joined: 07 Aug 2006, 03:19
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by POSTMAN »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it,he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.
I Wrote-During Covid-Which is still relevant now
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
Terry Butcher
Posts: 107
Joined: 05 Jun 2010, 19:07
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by Terry Butcher »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.

Walk down a drive, the dog barks and growls
She opens the side gate, "He's such a delight!"
"He's a big softie!" she says, as he continues to howl
3 seconds later you're in a life or death fight.
wiganpostie
Posts: 670
Joined: 09 Mar 2010, 20:16
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by wiganpostie »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.

Walk down a drive, the dog barks and growls
She opens the side gate, "He's such a delight!"
"He's a big softie!" she says, as he continues to howl
3 seconds later you're in a life or death fight.

"lapse this walk," the lino asks,
add it to all our other thankless tasks,
can't finish? then don't go over,
cuz then the lino, will be in clover
dados
Posts: 399
Joined: 04 Sep 2009, 16:33
Gender: Male
Location: leading the 5th column

Re: Postmans poem

Post by dados »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.

Walk down a drive, the dog barks and growls
She opens the side gate, "He's such a delight!"
"He's a big softie!" she says, as he continues to howl
3 seconds later you're in a life or death fight.

"lapse this walk," the lino asks,
add it to all our other thankless tasks,
can't finish? then don't go over,
cuz then the lino, will be in clover

The tools they use can't be right
tools for fools,the jobs just shite
"Longer Saturdays!" is the cry
Family time? wave bye bye
Art as expression
Not as market campaigns
Will still capture our imaginations
brothermagrew
Posts: 3015
Joined: 06 Aug 2007, 16:38
Gender: Male
Location: Shares a border with England to the south.

Re: Postmans poem

Post by brothermagrew »

The tools they use can't be right
tools for fools,the jobs just shite
"Longer Saturdays!" is the cry
Family time? wave bye bye

Dangerous dogs is a given fact
11 days and counting for the enactment of the Control of Dogs (Scotland) Act
"Today’s workplace has become heartless and soulless. Employees are seen as units of labour, automatons, functionaries, objects for achieving designated tasks, and as costs to be minimised."
wiganpostie
Posts: 670
Joined: 09 Mar 2010, 20:16
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by wiganpostie »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.

Walk down a drive, the dog barks and growls
She opens the side gate, "He's such a delight!"
"He's a big softie!" she says, as he continues to howl
3 seconds later you're in a life or death fight.

"lapse this walk," the lino asks,
add it to all our other thankless tasks,
can't finish? then don't go over,
cuz then the lino, will be in clover

The tools they use can't be right
tools for fools,the jobs just shite
"Longer Saturdays!" is the cry
Family time? wave bye bye

Dangerous dogs is a given fact
11 days and counting for the enactment of the Control of Dogs (Scotland) Act

a cheeky young lad holds out his hands,
"Hey, postie, got any elastic bands?"
"Not today son, I'm fresh out, Moya's sold them, trough meet snout"
User avatar
POSTMAN
SITE ADMINISTRATOR
Posts: 32724
Joined: 07 Aug 2006, 03:19
Gender: Male

Re: Postmans poem

Post by POSTMAN »

My bladder's bursting for a pee
I'll ask advice from the RMC...?
RMC do squarely say"piss yourself and carry on,
it's the Big book of Al's we all read from"

Done me recordeds, specials, packets,door-to-doors
Best rush back to do a half hour more
Because the DOM say's I'm taking too long
The walk he mutters, I must be doing all wrong
Oh it's not wrong- hand me a docket
It's off your bonus and in my pocket

Managers to strike is the tale
In reality, Primark have a sale
Beware this weekend, there's gonna be a gale
And a good result today, by the Dale
Those cut price pensions proposed by satan
We'll fight against, so FECK OFF LEIGHTON

To feck him off would cause much glee
With lil Ad tied to a tree
Heavier bags and falling mail
Something wrong with Royal Fail
New start time baloney and inward preps
Pray god our union protect our reps
For if they don't then our leaderWard
Should fall heavily upon his sword

24hr contracts make them all flock
Why has this job gone all to cock
To cock you say? I must agree
We flog our guts for Queen and country
So Al and Ad, must understand
We'll FIGHT them both across the land

£400 bonus in our grasp
And 50/50 share I hear you all gasp
All you need is hours for them to save
While you and your mates head towards an early grave
We're not dead yet, up goes a sigh
FOR RMC OUR BATTLE CRY!!!

Slips trips and falls and crapworth footing
RM heads of safety needs a good shooting
You're right there mate
They need a good booting
PPE and high viz have you heard suck like
Of course we have use them on your bike

On your bike or on foot
Don't use your car by hook or by crook
Let the matrix guide your bags
And let us stream the SAGA mags
Vehicle telemetry why oh why
Big Brother's peeking from the sky
And with the PDA's on the way
How to do your walk, they will say

Sneak off early in your car
Rest assured, you WON'T get far
Inward Prepping Speeds don't take the blame
Ask for a larger RM2000 frame
And with new coded machines on their way
Faster, faster your manager says.
Walk further and further in the summer haze
Don't forget your'll get no raise

With dog attacks here and dog bites there
Is it any wonder the dog attack manual isn't postie friendly fare
And then the call of the Chavs "where's me giro"
in which bodily cavity of theres shall I shove my Biro
Ring those bells,knock those knockers
Wake 'em up the lazy fockers
A female shout of I'm just coming from a window on high
And quick as a flash I retort and so am I

Door to Door prep "In YOUR time"
Say it again DOM,your eye will shine!
A manager shouts come join up lads and lasses and get your £400 bonus,
Is this before the geeks up top try to clone us
Blood money again ,didn't we just have some,
Thats twice in a year,my i think we've been done!
The boss says walks during summer are due to lapse
My personal opinion is he's talking out of his ass

Well here we are,it's 2009
And once again,we're on the picket line
The deal we signed in 2007
The bosses thought,they were in heaven
They then thought,we'd just roll over
We said f**k that,for a game of soldiers
Crozier,Higson,your time has come
And boy f**k me,ain't we having fun
unless we stand united on the picket line
we will be wearing an orange uniforms not for fun!

2010 and beyond,Buzz is here we can't go wrong.
CDV'S and HTC''s,will they help my fecking knees?
Work with a mate,i can't be late.
But the way he works,makes me grate.

D2D's now into workload,but feck me they have gone up 6 fold.
Prep them here,prep them there
Double slots it makes them tear.
"The customers want them and we're quids in!"
"More junk mail?" Scrunch - Recycle bin.

And the public’s rarely pleased to get them,
I’m often told to shove ‘em up my rectum
I try to take it all in my stride
But tell them that it hurts my pride
To deliver such pointless things
When I know they’ll end up in the bins.

The size of my walk it's not my fault
But ffs Royal Mail i'm not usain bolt!
That bloke couldn't do it he was a marine
If i could my DOM would creame.

Walk down a drive, the dog barks and growls
She opens the side gate, "He's such a delight!"
"He's a big softie!" she says, as he continues to howl
3 seconds later you're in a life or death fight.

"lapse this walk," the lino asks,
add it to all our other thankless tasks,
can't finish? then don't go over,
cuz then the lino, will be in clover

The tools they use can't be right
tools for fools,the jobs just shite
"Longer Saturdays!" is the cry
Family time? wave bye bye

Dangerous dogs is a given fact
11 days and counting for the enactment of the Control of Dogs (Scotland) Act

a cheeky young lad holds out his hands,
"Hey, postie, got any elastic bands?"
"Not today son, I'm fresh out, Moya's sold them, trough meet snout"

So it's a LWT or an HCT,
It's better for my back,my shoulder and my knees.
I'm in a liddle van with a bloke who farts a lot,
Packets,tracked,reg,mail and D2D's i've got.

I waved the agreement,in my managers face,
He said ignore uncle Bob and put me firmly in my place.
He said we'll do what we want you better make sure all the work is done,
Conduct code and bullying is all you're gonna get son.
I Wrote-During Covid-Which is still relevant now
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.