Thats superb!jozz98 wrote:I used to have this little s**t of a dog on my round always going for me. Anyway one day I had a thick magazine for this drop. Knocked on the door but no answer but dog was in making a racket. Their letter box was to the left of their front door. I tried to push this large mag through it but there was something stopping it. I presumed it was a dog guard. So I pushed a little harder. All of a sudden there was a big crash from inside and the dog was yelping in pain. Turns out there was a corner unit full of expensive crockery next to their letter box. It fell over and landed on their dog!!!!!
I pegged it but as it turned out there was someone inside asleep and came running out and caught me!!!
They claimed over a thousand pounds of royal mail for broken crockery and vet bills (dogs back leg broken and very traumatised).
Ha ha ha ha worth every penny if you ask me!!!
ANNOUNCEMENT : ALL OF ROYAL MAIL'S EMPLOYMENT POLICIES (AGREEMENTS) AT A GLANCE (Updated 2021)... HERE
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AND A FUNNY THING HAPPEND TO ME WAS______
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The Postal Avenger
- Posts: 127
- Joined: 14 Jul 2007, 09:57
I'm working to my time!
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BoltonPostie
- Posts: 328
- Joined: 09 Jul 2007, 17:20
- Gender: Male
- Location: Up s**t creek.
I was on my delivery in the sticks in a very hot summer late 1980`s and had a box with kippers in them fresh from Fleetwood(anybody else remember geting them?)Anyhow knocked on the front door expecting to get a reply as the young couple who lived there were usually in,no reply,so I goes round the back of the house to see if I can leave the box anywhere,and the local window cleaners is doing the back windows.
He sees me and says "Can`t get rid of that parcel?""If you give it here I can just about get it through this small window."So I gave him the box and he throws it through the window off I go and finishes my round.
Anyhow about a week after the DOM calls me into his office."Did you have a box for so and so?"me "Err can`t remember, why?""Well they`ve rung and complained that somebody threw some kippers onto their duvet and as they where away for the week and it`s been really hot they have gone off,stunk the house out and all the oils out of the fish have run out onto her bed and ruined it."
Bastards made me pay for it as well.
He sees me and says "Can`t get rid of that parcel?""If you give it here I can just about get it through this small window."So I gave him the box and he throws it through the window off I go and finishes my round.
Anyhow about a week after the DOM calls me into his office."Did you have a box for so and so?"me "Err can`t remember, why?""Well they`ve rung and complained that somebody threw some kippers onto their duvet and as they where away for the week and it`s been really hot they have gone off,stunk the house out and all the oils out of the fish have run out onto her bed and ruined it."
Bastards made me pay for it as well.
The grabbing hands
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all
Grab all they can
All for themselves
After all
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Guyzongo
- Posts: 16
- Joined: 14 Jun 2007, 16:12
- Gender: Male
- Location: 667 - the neighbour of the beast.
About 10 years ago I knocked on a door for a signature but got no reply. I had just started writing out a docket when I heard a sound and I peeped thru the window next to the door only to see an overweight, elderly man shagging a youngish bird. Doggy style on the hallway floor. He was still sweating like a mound of blubber when he answered the door, 30 seconds later!
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POSTMAN
- SITE ADMINISTRATOR
- Posts: 32730
- Joined: 07 Aug 2006, 03:19
- Gender: Male
30 seconds later! 
I Wrote-During Covid-Which is still relevant now
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
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Funked!
- Posts: 184
- Joined: 08 Oct 2007, 18:35
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L Tommo
- Posts: 3165
- Joined: 06 Feb 2007, 09:43
- Gender: Male
- Location: WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME!
And i thank you very much for sealing the packet and getting it to me on time... CHEERS!!!Funked! wrote:Remember sorting packets one time (15 years ago) on nights overtime & one of the lads picks a packet up not sealed properly (which just happens to fall out) with porn videos, books & blow up doll all addressed to a male + two different types of dildo !
OUT .. IN .. OUT .. IN ... OUT....
L TOMMO.... ILLEGITIMIS NON CARBORUNDUM........
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
EAST LONDON MAIL CENTER-ISHHHH
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buzzer
- Posts: 73
- Joined: 08 Aug 2007, 09:25
Few years back i was trying to push this packet through the letter box and it got stuck. It was in a jiffy bag. Anyway as i tried to pull it back out it ripped open, and what do you think was inside----------A large plastic penis------I started to panic, i thought if they open the door i'm done for. Anyway i managed to stuff it back through the letter box, followed by the jiffy bag. I don't know if anybody was in but i must have been as red as a beetroot. Funny thing was that there was a young couple living there and also a middle aged lady, and i used to think to myself, i wonder who ordered it.
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L Tommo
- Posts: 3165
- Joined: 06 Feb 2007, 09:43
- Gender: Male
- Location: WATCHING YOU WATCHING ME!
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plodsie
- MAIL CENTRES/PROCESSING
- Posts: 191
- Joined: 02 Aug 2007, 01:33
I remember waking up after a night out and looked at my watch to find it saying it was 10 minutes to 12, and I was a 12 o'clock start.... In a kind of hangover stuper, I picked up the phone to call the gaffer to lie that the car would not start, and I'll have to get a bus, so I will be late in. The boss at the other end of the phone seemed confused, telling me that I didn't have to worry as I had at least 3 hours before I started. Checking my watch again, I discovered that sometime during the night, it had been set to the stopwatch and actually was 12hrs and 50 mins and running. The real time was 8.30am!
I hung up the phone and returned to my coma.
WHAT A COMPLETE DONKEY!
I hung up the phone and returned to my coma.
WHAT A COMPLETE DONKEY!
Glasgow driver.
Q. Who exactly are the Competition?
A. People who'll post a letter for you.
Q. Who exactly are the Competition?
A. People who'll post a letter for you.
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p379
- Posts: 39
- Joined: 28 Sep 2007, 18:15
The union rep at our office came back one day a bit shaken he said you wont belive what ive just seen whilst delivering to a block of flats.
He said i had a recorded delivery and knocked on the door he said he could hear a strange noise which went on for a minute or so he knocked again and someone from behind the door shouted who is it its the postman he replied
The door opened and there stood this fella stark bollock naked with a stonking great hard on
I said what did you say
That a signature was required for a recorded delivery
The next thing a rottweiler appeared behind this fella stuck his head between his legs and started to lick at his balls
He said the mail must get through i would have legged it
He said i had a recorded delivery and knocked on the door he said he could hear a strange noise which went on for a minute or so he knocked again and someone from behind the door shouted who is it its the postman he replied
The door opened and there stood this fella stark bollock naked with a stonking great hard on
I said what did you say
That a signature was required for a recorded delivery
The next thing a rottweiler appeared behind this fella stuck his head between his legs and started to lick at his balls
He said the mail must get through i would have legged it
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simply_the_best
- Posts: 594
- Joined: 24 Sep 2007, 10:29
A couple of years ago in mid july i got out of bed and walked along to work, got there and the gate was still locked, i started at 5 in those days, checked my watch and it was only 12.20am
It was pitch black when i walked along even though it would have been bright daylight at that time of year when i was due to start, didn't even have the excuse of being drunk
A couple of the guys have also went along on bank holiday mornings as well
It was pitch black when i walked along even though it would have been bright daylight at that time of year when i was due to start, didn't even have the excuse of being drunk
A couple of the guys have also went along on bank holiday mornings as well
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BettySwollocks
- Posts: 346
- Joined: 01 Oct 2007, 16:12
I deliver to a block of flats which used to house elderly people but now accomodates all sorts, one of the residents is a serious alcoholic, he's approx' 45 yrs old but looks closer to 65, and is very under weight, i see him regularly going to kwik save to stock up on booze, and it doesn't matter about the weather, all he'll wear is his trousers nothing else, no shoes, shirt anything,
but quite often he's stood on the doorstep to his flat in just his undies drinking his beer and smoking a fag, i can't put into words what a sight this guy is, he literally churns my stomach, his gruds don't look like they have seen the inside of a washing machine in months, he doesn't seem to know what soap is and smells like a wet alsation, this wouldn't be so bad, but his flat is directly opposite a church, i'm trying to imagine a funeral or a wedding when all the people are outside and are greeted by the view of this tramp in his cruddy underwear,
last week when his girlfriend (how on gods green earth he has one i'll never ever know) was signing for a recorded, i glanced over her shoulder to be treated with the view of him stood there in a pair of briefs with one of his testicles hanging out the side
also....
Not me, but one of my colleagues (and far from funny - well not for him ) went to a chippy prior to his 17.30 collection and bought a bag of chips to eat on his way round, he went to his 1st box prior to tucking into his chips, opened the pillar box and put his hand inside only to find someone had posted a large dog turd into the box which he got all over his hand,
needless to say, he lost his appetite.
but quite often he's stood on the doorstep to his flat in just his undies drinking his beer and smoking a fag, i can't put into words what a sight this guy is, he literally churns my stomach, his gruds don't look like they have seen the inside of a washing machine in months, he doesn't seem to know what soap is and smells like a wet alsation, this wouldn't be so bad, but his flat is directly opposite a church, i'm trying to imagine a funeral or a wedding when all the people are outside and are greeted by the view of this tramp in his cruddy underwear,
last week when his girlfriend (how on gods green earth he has one i'll never ever know) was signing for a recorded, i glanced over her shoulder to be treated with the view of him stood there in a pair of briefs with one of his testicles hanging out the side
also....
Not me, but one of my colleagues (and far from funny - well not for him ) went to a chippy prior to his 17.30 collection and bought a bag of chips to eat on his way round, he went to his 1st box prior to tucking into his chips, opened the pillar box and put his hand inside only to find someone had posted a large dog turd into the box which he got all over his hand,
needless to say, he lost his appetite.
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Pastymuncher
- Posts: 29
- Joined: 24 Sep 2007, 18:35
A chap used to work in our office, good as gold, but a gullible feck wit. Anyway he was out delivering and had a packet that wouldn't go through the letter box, he tried a couple of times then gave up and knocked the customer up. She was an elderly lady and when she answered the door. He said flustered:
"I've got a stiff one here for you and I just can't get it into your small box."
She blushed and took the packet, he got about 10 yards down the street before he realised what he had said.
Same chap had a load of cards (20 or so) for a house where an elderly couple lived. As he was posting them the lady came to the door. He says:
"Are you the birthday girl then"
To which she replied:
"Its not my Birthday Alfred died on Monday"
He gulped gave her the rest of the cards and left a fetching shade of red.
I've seen several customers in the undress, suppose everyone of us have but one sticks in my mind. A female Art teacher who had worked her way through most of the rugby club, not me I hasn't to add as I was only a spotty youth at the time, anyway several years later I was going up the path to her bungalow on a Saturday morning after the Rugby dinner the previous night. She had been there and had a drink or 9 as all of us had, as I walked to her door she flung open her bedroom curtains one arm on each and was standing there naked. All I remember was that as she flung the curtains open her ample boobs also flung apart and then swung back together with a bounce. Hard to explain but also hard to look away from
Also thought that she needed to trim the hedge too. Never to able to look her in the eye since.
Another time on a different round there was a female version of Hagred from Harry Potter who lived on her own. She was a least 6 foot tall and huge and fat as well, always proclaiming how she hated all men at the top of her voice to anyone who would listen. Well one morning I was delivering to her estate and I heard this shouting going on, I turned around to see her in a fist fight with the elderly man who lived next door to her. He was a horrible old git too but that is another story. She punched him to the ground walked off and got a concrete building block while he was lying on the floor and tried to drop it on his legs to break them, he managed to move the first time and before she had chance again their neighbours had come and dragged her off but not before she had managed to kick him full force between the legs.
Nasty Woman.
"I've got a stiff one here for you and I just can't get it into your small box."
She blushed and took the packet, he got about 10 yards down the street before he realised what he had said.
Same chap had a load of cards (20 or so) for a house where an elderly couple lived. As he was posting them the lady came to the door. He says:
"Are you the birthday girl then"
To which she replied:
"Its not my Birthday Alfred died on Monday"
He gulped gave her the rest of the cards and left a fetching shade of red.
I've seen several customers in the undress, suppose everyone of us have but one sticks in my mind. A female Art teacher who had worked her way through most of the rugby club, not me I hasn't to add as I was only a spotty youth at the time, anyway several years later I was going up the path to her bungalow on a Saturday morning after the Rugby dinner the previous night. She had been there and had a drink or 9 as all of us had, as I walked to her door she flung open her bedroom curtains one arm on each and was standing there naked. All I remember was that as she flung the curtains open her ample boobs also flung apart and then swung back together with a bounce. Hard to explain but also hard to look away from
Also thought that she needed to trim the hedge too. Never to able to look her in the eye since.
Another time on a different round there was a female version of Hagred from Harry Potter who lived on her own. She was a least 6 foot tall and huge and fat as well, always proclaiming how she hated all men at the top of her voice to anyone who would listen. Well one morning I was delivering to her estate and I heard this shouting going on, I turned around to see her in a fist fight with the elderly man who lived next door to her. He was a horrible old git too but that is another story. She punched him to the ground walked off and got a concrete building block while he was lying on the floor and tried to drop it on his legs to break them, he managed to move the first time and before she had chance again their neighbours had come and dragged her off but not before she had managed to kick him full force between the legs.
Nasty Woman.
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POSTMAN
- SITE ADMINISTRATOR
- Posts: 32730
- Joined: 07 Aug 2006, 03:19
- Gender: Male
More,more,more 
If we get enough we could get a Postie Tales book published for charity in the future.
If we get enough we could get a Postie Tales book published for charity in the future.
I Wrote-During Covid-Which is still relevant now
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
It's good to get these types of threads, the ridiculous my manager said bollox, so we can reassure ourselves that while the world is falling apart, Royal Mail managers are still being the low-life C***S they have always been.
My BFF Clash
The daily grind of having to argue your case with an intellectual pigmy of a line manager is physically and emotionally draining.
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thekiddykid
- Posts: 116
- Joined: 05 Oct 2007, 15:38
And a funny thing happened to me was....
Not me but one of my mates. Out on his rural delivery he has a packet for one bungalow basically in middle of nowhere.. He knocks on door, no answer, but is convinced he can hear something. Wanders around side of the property but still no reply. Ever the dutiful postie he spots an open window and thinking this will save customer a trip of at least 10 miles back to office he drops the packet through.... He is greeted by the DOM on his return to the office in the afternoon. Why did you drop mrs so and so's parcel in the bath she was running????