POSTMANS UNIVERSAL LAWS

[saga]

One I really hate - knock door with a parcel- someone appears behind door and says"hang on a minute mate" and dissapears for half hour.

[Tread]

I just love "if its bills or rubbish take it back " always a suprise when I turn around and walk back up thier garden path .

[cabbage325]

when they leave a note on door saying postman buzzer not working ring this number,yer on what not my fu##ing phone

[chromium05]

I hate it when they say " erm...postman, would you please refrain from w*nking in my hedge?"

F*ck off!! I'm on my lunchbreak.

[Tread]

[p379]

FILL IN A 739 SAYIN YOULL BE FINISHED IN 3HRS THEY TURN UP AT THE CALLERS OFFICE 30 MINS LATER

Complaining like f**k wheres my parcel this is outrageous read the form it says leave 3 HRS but even though you have been a nasty f****r i will look oh yes it is back have you brought a form of ID with you no well f**k off then

[p379]

Had a good one the other day delivering a packet. You know how it goes, knocking on the door, ringing the bell, going round back of house etc.
Nothing doing so writes out a p739. Just about to post it and yes, you guessed, a woman appears from across the road.

'I always take mail for them' she says, 'it's my daughter in law'
Thought I'd better make sure so I asked her what name it was....and she gave me her name.
No, who's the packet for I said.
'My daughter in law'

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH

btw, anyone got a good reply to 'where's your black and white cat' ?

Hes out with the manager doing half a walk were short staffed again

[Stormproof]

FILL IN A 739 SAYIN YOULL BE FINISHED IN 3HRS THEY TURN UP AT THE CALLERS OFFICE 30 MINS LATER

Complaining like f**k wheres my parcel this is outrageous read the form it says leave 3 HRS but even though you have been a nasty f****r i will look oh yes it is back have you brought a form of ID with you no well f**k off then

Same problem at our place, I am a stickler for the ID, it really p's them off, if they come in early with a chip on their shoulder I won't let them have it, walk round back pretend to look for it, sorry postie is'nt back yet and as it says on the card we do require 24 hours to process your item..........not 2 hours you f***wit(wish I could say that)

[p379]

Had a good one the other day delivering a packet. You know how it goes, knocking on the door, ringing the bell, going round back of house etc.
Nothing doing so writes out a p739. Just about to post it and yes, you guessed, a woman appears from across the road.

'I always take mail for them' she says, 'it's my daughter in law'
Thought I'd better make sure so I asked her what name it was....and she gave me her name.
No, who's the packet for I said.
'My daughter in law'

AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH

btw, anyone got a good reply to 'where's your black and white cat' ?

Hes gone AWOL

[Eddles]

I've actually got a black and white cat with a similar pattern to Jess, so I keep getting ribbed by my girlfriend and mates. Once a mate gave me a Postman Pat toy set, and a friend of mine sent me a colour in Postman Pat drawing in an envelope with a Postman Pat stamp on (tho with a real stamp as well) with my address in a childlike crayon. Only the tip of the iceberg. My postman must have gotten sick with all these!

I'm deaf, sometimes my hearing aid batteries run out in the middle of a delivery and I can't be bothered to struggle with a full bag to get to the spares so I wait until the bag's empty before sorting it out. I occassionally look back at the last few houses to check if a customer is calling me. Sometimes when I put a 739 in a customer's letterbox and move on then the would customer pop out and shout at me. I spot the customer several houses down, so I run back to the customer and try and see what's up. She would say nastily, "Oi, I've been shouting at you for a while now! Are you deaf or what?!" I just say "Acutally yeah, I'm deaf". They just stammer and look like they wish the earth would open and swallow them up :) I don't mind actually (how would anyone know anyway?) but it's funny to watch.

On my delivery signature card, I don't know why but 99% of the time customers sign on the wrong box, despite the fact I always write down the address next to the box. I've even tried pointing to the card twice and say in a loud voice "THERE" and they immediately go to the wrong box even if I continue to point at the right box. I just let them sign it.

I always write down the time and give to the customer - sometimes they write down the time again.

Sometimes they try and sign their names in the "Time" box!

Also quite often, they don't understand what "Print your name" means... so they just sign twice. Sheesh... It's SEP anyway.

It's really annoying but due to a personal feature, lots of people think I'm Polish or something. They look shocked when I tell them I'm british...

Other "laws"....

D2D... I sometimes get paper cuts from the really thin leaflets.

Letterboxes with strong springs.

Snapping dogs launching themselves halfway to orbit in front of the glass door.

In tower blocks in a run down area barely above the poverty line, the majority of the letter boxes has broken springs that jabs your fingers when your stuff their letters in, and I always fear it's a hypodermic needle so I check every time that happens.

I've actually got a customer that has hanging flower baskets in front of the door so I have to duck 3 feet to be able to reach the letter box

Plants/mini trees in front of the letter box

I could go on... but I'll stop now :)

Most of my customers are top ppl, friendly and all, but some of them...

[TrueBlueTerrier]

I'm deaf, sometimes my hearing aid batteries run out in the middle of a delivery and I can't be bothered to struggle with a full bag to get to the spares so I wait until the bag's empty before sorting it out. I occassionally look back at the last few houses to check if a customer is calling me. Sometimes when I put a 739 in a customer's letterbox and move on then the would customer pop out and shout at me. I spot the customer several houses down, so I run back to the customer and try and see what's up. She would say nastily, "Oi, I've been shouting at you for a while now! Are you deaf or what?!" I just say "Acutally yeah, I'm deaf". They just stammer and look like they wish the earth would open and swallow them up :) I don't mind actually (how would anyone know anyway?) but it's funny to watch.

I Shouldn't but I found that funny as feck

[NWpostie]

i don't know if anybody has written this one
Christmas Tips
For 11 months of the year, everybody speaks too you!
then shock, horror, December comes around and they
all seem too avoid you!
or is it just me LOL

£1 is nothing and does so much, more is bonus, I try to tip my postman if I see him, as I live outside of my delivery area.

That said If they don't tip you, you can refuse to do any favours ever for them, just do your job and thats it , no more.

[RTI]

"Not More bills" or "If they're bills you can keep em"

Do you not think i hear that every five minuites? arghhh.

or i love the one where someone spots u as they are coming out of thier house, so they pretend to go back in for something and come out at exactly the time you reach the door.

[Oh no its raining]

When your fumbling around one of the old grey pouch boxes trying to get your pouch out that the driver has wedged in so tight the actual box is bulging at the sides, and people come upto you and say 'oh is that what they are, I always thought they were gas meters'
Erm it say 'Royal Mail' on the top of the box love, I dont think we sell gas.

(Mind you :cfo :mfo :lfo are full of hot air so I guess they do haha )

[97gaz]

When the 739 says we're closed from 1-4pm then were most likely closed. We get a steady stream all afternoon. Dopey sods.