Talent Show!

[IWW Fellow Worker]

Having seen how some dipstick manager in the West Country is hoping to give the workers a Talent Show, I thought I would give him some ideas of theTop Acts to put on:

Ladies and Gentlemen! We present for your approval that fine Comedy Act, ‘Allan the Human Orange’. Marvel as the Human Orange changes jobs and clown costumes in the blink of an eye! One minute the Human Orange is selling and eating cat food, the next he’s running some shops and making checkout girls vanish. Gasp in amazement as the Human Orange makes forty thousand jobs disappear using only private cars and early starts. Wonder as the Human Orange turns a Champions League Football Club into a debt ridden relegated shadow of its former glorious self.

Next on our bill tonight we present ‘ Adam the Invisible Man’. Laugh as Adam turns a National Sports Stadium into a National Joke! Be amazed as millions of pounds disappear into the bank accounts of construction companies. See the hilarious antics of Tory Blur as he signs Adam up for the Top Postal Job in Britain. You will rub your eyes in wonderment as Adam loses over One Million Pounds Per Day from a once successful public service. Whoops! There goes another contract Invisible Adam has made disappear! Amazing (or should that be Amazon?)

Step up and see the hilarious Scotsman ‘Genial Johnny Keggie’. Watch as he cons thousands of people to vote for his famous ‘Way Forward Trick’. Using only a bag of shite, Johnny will sell thousands of jobs before being rumbled and voted into Oblivion.
Laugh as Scouse Comic and lapdog impersonator Billy Hayes jumps through hoops for his owner Tory Blur. Gasp as Billy slings thousands of pounds to Tory as Tory simultaneously kicks Billy’s balls harder than a Tommy Smith penalty kick.

Grin as London Boy Alan Johnson makes a complete Arse of the Nations Education System. Yes, it’s Test, Test, Test for Britain’s young before Alan (local boy made good) launches them into working life with a mountain of debt before any of them has a job.
You will be amazed as Tom Sawyer (no, not the Mark Twain one, the fictional one) writes a report on how crap everything is in Royal Mail only to see a better whitewash job than Huckleberry Finn ever did on a picket fence.

See the ‘Great Impersonators’ The Royal Mail Management Team give the impression of working while swilling Huge Amounts of Tea, picking on new starters and bullying the quiet ones. See their faces turn Bright Red as they are spotted Scabbing.

Next, watch the High Wire Act ‘The Phantom Shares’ climb up the WTL pole before disappearing completely from view.

For the Grand Finale, see the service completely grind to a Halt as ‘The Human Orange’ and ‘The Invisible Man’ aided and abetted by their Lackeys in the CMA encourage a Big Strike on a Huge Turnout of Union Members. Where else but in the Arsey Turvey World of Capitalism could such a show be staged?
Roll Up, Roll Up, Roll Up!

[nelson]

[trojan]

IWW
Cheers mate did`nt think i could laugh so much on a sunday morning,have just spilt my cuppa all over my keypad reading that








PS,Glad you like the aviater
Skinheads forever

[Rowdy]

Cheers for that mate, made me laugh out loud. So glad I found this site.

[bristolchris]

Very well done IWW.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

excellent

[POSTMAN]

[gavip]

great post, trouble is a labour government seem to want to sell us down the river. If they do they will lose my vote for ever more.

[DirtyHarry]

Brilliant, IWW , brilliant !

[L Tommo]

I COULD JUST SEE BIG AL IN THE RING MASTERS KIT AS I WAS READING IT MATE!!!!

CLASS IWW



DONT LET THE BASTARDS GRIND US DOWN!!!!!

[rhino49]

Absolute class IWW - Ever considered having a campaigning newspaper column?

[IWW Fellow Worker]

Absolute class IWW - Ever considered having a campaigning newspaper column?

I can't think of any newspapers who would have me mate! But I do write a piss take for a rugby league web site and used to write for the Widnes Vikings fanzine. There used to be a bloke in Warrington who wrote to the rugby league press all the time, so I decided to have a go. It wouldn't mean much to anyone outside the North West though.

http://lasttackle.co.uk/index.php?optio ... &Itemid=70

and this...........

M. Cheshire, Warrington.
Some of my Chemical supporting friends were quite surprised at the events which took place at Wheldon Road recently. They certainly seem to be off to a fine start to the season and Thursday’s win against the Glassblowers must have cheered them all up no end.
I feel I should add a word of caution against the enemy of all sportsmen. I refer of course to the demon known as ‘complacency’. I well remember my days as a promising wing-three-quarter for Bewsey Grammar School in the fair city of Warrington. Our formidable games master, Dr Dullard, was a keen rugby football supporter and would regularly ram a red hot knitting needle down the ear of any boy caught playing the round ball game.
August 1911 was typical of those warm pre-war summers we all remember from the days of our youth. Unfortunately, September brought freak hail storms and blizzards during which Dr Dullard would make us stand on the school roof wearing nothing but a primrose and blue rosette to save embarrassing the school nurse. He promised it would toughen us up and he was right. We won the first four games of the season and were joint top of the league. Our fifth fixture was against local rivals Fitzherbert Street Ragged School, who shared joint first place with us.
The day of the game duly arrived and we boarded our stagecoaches to set off for Fitzherbert Street. Since every horse in Warrington had been requisitioned by the local Territorial Battalion of the 1st Warrington King’s Own Foot and Mouth, we had to harness some of the local guttersnipes to the stagecoaches. They were quite happy to receive a flagon of porter beer and twopence each, but seemed even happier when the good Doctor ceased prodding them with his javelin.
We were brimming with confidence! The referee, Sir Nathaniel Ganson awarded us a penalty right under the sticks when one of the Fitzherbert team was spotted with a hole in his stocking. Our full-back Hubert Pimple slotted the goal. Fitzherbert soon replied when their grimy looking prop-forward Boyd barged over for a try. Protestations that the try should have been disallowed on the grounds that Boyd was a colonial were dismissed by Sir Ganson.
Dr Dullard gave us his usual half-time pep talk which went along the lines of: “If you lose, I’ll kill each and every one of you on Monday morning, you little bastards!â€

[rhino49]

ROFLMFCO

[bigsharkboy]

i like it any chance i can print this off and let my manager have a copy
and at the same time tell him where he can stick his fecking talent show

[PHP]

Fantastic! This is how i imagined Leighton!