AND A FUNNY THING HAPPEND TO ME WAS______

[postmanpot]

back in the day when we was out at 6.30 ,1 of the old timers got nicked havin a s**t behind a bush in some 1s garden

[Thorby Bislam]

Some great tales here. I'll add one of mine.

When I first joined RM I was working in a Parcelforce sort centre. this was back when the IRA was still active and we were on Black Special alert.
We went in on early shift and all the talk was of the drama ocurring in the previous night shift.
Someone had heard a buzzing noise coming from a parcel. The procedure was followed, management had evacuated the building and called
the bomb squad.
The bomb squad had come and investigated. The suspect parcel turned out to be a battery powered dildo that had somehow switched itself on during handling.

Ok, another one.
A postie had a parcel for this house but no one was in. He saw a little skylight window open near the front door so he
popped the parcel through that. However as it fell he heard the sound of a ceramic or glass ornament breaking. he thought he was surely done for. And that was when he noticed the cat hanging round. He picked the cat up and put it through the window too thinking it would get the blame. It worked too, even though half-way back to the office he remembered that it wasn't their cat.

[jaylime]

i was on the loading bay in the office i used to work in before a transfer somewhere more rural.anyway a collection van came in about 5pm,out got the driver with a perstorp tray and jumped onto the bay,where to all our surprise a ten inch dildo sat in the box.the driver wouldnt touch the dildo as would none of us.so we decided to put it on one of the drivers seats in his 600.the driver came back off his tea jumped in his van next thing he jumped out waving the dildo round like a lightsabre all covered in god knows what.he soon dropped it on the floor when we told him.also the story of a posty getting caught taking a s**t in someones back garden and getting caught.

[smokerjim]

Right, I can't claim first hand knowledge of this story, I actually found it on an armed forces website, in a wiki section they have ( full page here http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Giro" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; ), and it relates to that blast from the past, Giro day!

Some years ago, a retired RSM ( Regimental Sargent Major ) took a job as a postman and delivered on a round in Liverpool. One day his bike was stolen whilst delivering the weekly Giros. The ex-Badge stood in the middle of the bleak, windswept concrete piazza and screamed: 'Listen in! If that f*cking bike isn't back here in two minutes, I will burn every single Giro in this sack!' The bike was duly returned with much apology from the local scallies.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

Rasmans were always scary people its in the genes I think. If I had to put a bet on against an ex RSM and scallies it would go on the RSM no problems.

[bradleypostie]

A few years ago when we were getting out the door sometimes at 6am i had a rolled up balaclava on my head as it was a cold december morning. I was riding out to my first delivery point and the wind was biting my face so i decided to pull the balaclava down to cover my face. I strode up the first path to the house and saw the customer coming out of the house but was horrified when she screamed and started shaking then cowered onto the floor. I wondered what the hell she was doing then realised i still had the balaclava totally over my face so i quickly threw the mail next to her and scarpered.

[windermeredave]

my story is funny thinking back, but embarrassing as well in its own way.
on my dely there was this older black man who shall we say was a can short of a six pack, he lived on a busy road with buses that passed his house at regular intervals, he lived with his two younger daughters who were both nice.
on this particular day I had two lots of photo packets to deliver and as they were too big for the letter box I approached his home sceptically, I knocked the door and he opened the door totally NUDE, WTF I thought and I fumbled for the packets out of my bag and handed them over trying not to look at him, he closed the door and I walked out the gate hoping no-one saw it, I walked up the road when I came to another house where I had a simular packet to deliver, I looked in my bag and to my horror I found out I still had one of the packets for the previous address..I had given him the wrong packet, I had no option I had to go back, it was now at least 15 minutes later, surely he must be dressed by now?
I went back packet in hand, knocked on the door SAME AGAIN MY GODDD!!! this time I had to explain to him I delivered the wrong packet, he had put them on the stairs so he checked and gave my the right one back, he shut the door, I turned to leave only to see a busload of people staring as I walked out, some looked shocked but many were laughing...I don`t get paid enough for that sh*t

[Lounge Lizard]

with all the seriousness in most of the threads here I thought it would be a good idea to relate humerous (or naughty) experiences while on your delys.
my story is funny thinking back, but embarrassing as well in its own way.
on my dely there was this older black man who shall we say was a can short of a six pack, he lived on a busy road with buses that passed his house at regular intervals, he lived with his two younger daughters who were both nice.
on this particular day I had two lots of photo packets to deliver and as they were too big for the letter box I approached his home sceptically, I knocked the door and he opened the door totally NUDE, WTF I thought and I fumbled for the packets out of my bag and handed them over trying not to look at him, he closed the door and I walked out the gate hoping no-one saw it, I walked up the road when I came to another house where I had a simular packet to deliver, I looked in my bag and to my horror I found out I still had one of the packets for the previous address..I had given him the wrong packet, I had no option I had to go back, it was now at least 15 minutes later, surely he must be dressed by now?
I went back packet in hand, knocked on the door SAME AGAIN MY GODDD!!! this time I had to explain to him I delivered the wrong packet, he had put them on the stairs so he checked and gave my the right one back, he shut the door, I turned to leave only to see a busload of people staring as I walked out, some looked shocked but many were laughing...I don`t get paid enough for that sh*t

.... well, that's what you told the magistrates.

[windermeredave]

with all the seriousness in most of the threads here I thought it would be a good idea to relate humerous (or naughty) experiences while on your delys.
my story is funny thinking back, but embarrassing as well in its own way.
on my dely there was this older black man who shall we say was a can short of a six pack, he lived on a busy road with buses that passed his house at regular intervals, he lived with his two younger daughters who were both nice.
on this particular day I had two lots of photo packets to deliver and as they were too big for the letter box I approached his home sceptically, I knocked the door and he opened the door totally NUDE, WTF I thought and I fumbled for the packets out of my bag and handed them over trying not to look at him, he closed the door and I walked out the gate hoping no-one saw it, I walked up the road when I came to another house where I had a simular packet to deliver, I looked in my bag and to my horror I found out I still had one of the packets for the previous address..I had given him the wrong packet, I had no option I had to go back, it was now at least 15 minutes later, surely he must be dressed by now?
I went back packet in hand, knocked on the door SAME AGAIN MY GODDD!!! this time I had to explain to him I delivered the wrong packet, he had put them on the stairs so he checked and gave my the right one back, he shut the door, I turned to leave only to see a busload of people staring as I walked out, some looked shocked but many were laughing...I don`t get paid enough for that sh*t

.... well, that's what you told the magistrates.

haha

[POSTMAN]

Topic merged with one that is in our popular threads stickie here...
http://www.royalmailchat.co.uk/communit ... ?f=1&t=886" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[smelly_cat_lady]

Thanks for making me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself. Having a sh*t start to my day off and needed cheering up. Please tell me some more..............!

[estelle]

to brighten up my day, I spent around five mins having a 'conversation' with one of my wonderful customers this morning. I will paraphrase, but it went a little something like this

customer (c) 'hen - you keep giving me articles of mail with this name on it, this person no longer resides here, I'm a single bachelor who lives alone' (oops - spelling!)

me 'I would be most grateful if you could please put your name on your door to assist myself and my colleagues in the future as to who is resident'

c 'yes, but, this is not me, see, it's addressed to MS Somebody, I'm a man'

me - 'I can see that sir, but if you care to read the letter for a moment it states Ms Somebody/The Legal Occupier'

c 'I'm not Ms Somebody, I'm a man, I live alone, I live here, no one else'

me 'sir, I understand you are not female, however, it would appear you are the occupier'

c 'yes, but I'm not her, I don't want this letter it's not for me'

me 'sir, are you an illegal occupier?'

c 'I beg your pardon?'

me 'sir, do you live here illegally?

c 'no - I rent this flat from the local council'

me 'ah, so you are the legal occupier then'

c 'blank expression'

me 'it's TV licensing, their asking either MS Somebody or you, the legal occupier to open the letter'

c 'but I'm not her'

Five minutes of my life I will never see again, nor will you get back.

I wish it only happened once a day, sadly, that was the second time this morning

About five mins later I was wandering up some stairs and as I got to the top, another customer opened his front door and started waving his hose in my face. Why do scantily clad men have no shame when hoovering? No apology from him

The other problem I had today was being accused of not knocking the door when putting the 739 through. Of course I'm not going to knock, I've only got the card from yesterday, why knock to tell you I don't have the packet. Please stop and read the card before throwing the door open to accuse me of humpfing your junk up several flights of stairs, taking time to write out a card then humpfing the junk around for the rest of my walk, without bothering to attempt to deliver said junk. Yeah, I love carrying stuff around with me all day when I know that you're in.

So go on then, how many of you guys get similar things on a daily basis? (this thread has been done before - I'm too exhausted and lazy to dig up an old one )

[skull]

I had a women come out to me once " this letter has mr and mrs on it , why did you post it I'm single .

[TrueBlueTerrier]

I had a women come out to me once " this letter has mr and mrs on it , why did you post it I'm single .

I would have answered - "Leave it on the shelf love, I'll get it tomorrow"

[estelle]

over the bad weather period of recent times, I had a customer come out and ask me if I had their giro, the response was I'm afraid not.

They asked what I thought they should do

I really struggled with refraining from telling them to get a job.