So I like a girl...

[hero22]

Could there be a chance she might have a sense of humour, tell him no chance mate and laugh it off ?

[Ampersand]

You know you're going to take your rejection like a champ and not do anything weird or scary, but she doesn't know that.

Isn't that always the case though whether it's some random in a bar or someone you've been seeing for years. Finding out where someone lives is not difficult if you're into that kind of thing so I don't really think it makes the postman more of a threat that he already knows.

You could argue that he's less of a threat because he's your postman, it's not going to take even the dimmest local plod long to track him down if he does something is it?

You can take precautions to make finding your address more difficult - I don't give my full name to men I meet at a bar; my social media is all under a stage name; I'm not on the electoral roll. Also, a postman potentially has access to much more info than just your address. Someone you've been seeing for years is a different matter - you've made the decision to trust them with your personal information. If they abuse that trust (which is all too common), that's awful and absolutely not your fault - but it's very different from it being someone you've been assigned rather than chosen.

Being able to identify him doesn't mean necessarily being able to do anything about it. It doesn't mean you can prove it and it doesn't protect you until after it gets significantly creepy.

[Ampersand]

Could there be a chance she might have a sense of humour, tell him no chance mate and laugh it off ?

Wanting to feel safe and not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home isn't really a question of having a sense of humour.

[hero22]

The guy liked the girl and came up with an idea of letting her know, maybe it was a bit naff maybe it wasn't but I'm interested as to how you would suggest he let her know. We are going to end up were people are terrified to interact with each other because of the fear of being classified a pervert/weirdo/stalker.

[aiden01]

Could there be a chance she might have a sense of humour, tell him no chance mate and laugh it off ?

Wanting to feel safe and not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home isn't really a question of having a sense of humour.

Most of this thread is about a sense of humour ffs.

[aiden01]

You know you're going to take your rejection like a champ and not do anything weird or scary, but she doesn't know that.

Isn't that always the case though whether it's some random in a bar or someone you've been seeing for years. Finding out where someone lives is not difficult if you're into that kind of thing so I don't really think it makes the postman more of a threat that he already knows.

You could argue that he's less of a threat because he's your postman, it's not going to take even the dimmest local plod long to track him down if he does something is it?

You can take precautions to make finding your address more difficult - I don't give my full name to men I meet at a bar; my social media is all under a stage name; I'm not on the electoral roll. Also, a postman potentially has access to much more info than just your address. Someone you've been seeing for years is a different matter - you've made the decision to trust them with your personal information. If they abuse that trust (which is all too common), that's awful and absolutely not your fault - but it's very different from it being someone you've been assigned rather than chosen.

Being able to identify him doesn't mean necessarily being able to do anything about it. It doesn't mean you can prove it and it doesn't protect you until after it gets significantly creepy.

Yeah we all give our full name on here so management know who we are. and yes they do spy on this forum.

[Ampersand]

The guy liked the girl and came up with an idea of letting her know, maybe it was a bit naff maybe it wasn't but I'm interested as to how you would suggest he let her know. We are going to end up were people are terrified to interact with each other because of the fear of being classified a pervert/weirdo/stalker.

I would suggest he keep quiet and, if it never comes to anything, to deal with it and move on. You're prioritising his desire to hit on women over women's right to feel safe in their homes. We're really not going to end up as a sexless society because people give each other consideration as to what might be appropriate; in my experience, it's the opposite.

[aiden01]

The guy liked the girl and came up with an idea of letting her know, maybe it was a bit naff maybe it wasn't but I'm interested as to how you would suggest he let her know. We are going to end up were people are terrified to interact with each other because of the fear of being classified a pervert/weirdo/stalker.

I would suggest he keep quiet and, if it never comes to anything, to deal with it and move on. You're prioritising his desire to hit on women over women's right to feel safe in their homes. We're really not going to end up as a sexless society because people give each other consideration as to what might be appropriate; in my experience, it's the opposite.

Have you read op's post he wants to know how to ask the girl out.

[Ampersand]

The guy liked the girl and came up with an idea of letting her know, maybe it was a bit naff maybe it wasn't but I'm interested as to how you would suggest he let her know. We are going to end up were people are terrified to interact with each other because of the fear of being classified a pervert/weirdo/stalker.

I would suggest he keep quiet and, if it never comes to anything, to deal with it and move on. You're prioritising his desire to hit on women over women's right to feel safe in their homes. We're really not going to end up as a sexless society because people give each other consideration as to what might be appropriate; in my experience, it's the opposite.

Have you read op's post he wants to know how to ask the girl out.

Right. And sometimes the answer is "don't." His desire to hit on her does not outweigh her right to feel safe in her home.

[Woody Guthrie]

Being able to identify him.....doesn't protect you until after it gets significantly creepy.

Yes it does...because he knows you can identify him.

[hero22]

The guy liked the girl and came up with an idea of letting her know, maybe it was a bit naff maybe it wasn't but I'm interested as to how you would suggest he let her know. We are going to end up were people are terrified to interact with each other because of the fear of being classified a pervert/weirdo/stalker.

I would suggest he keep quiet and, if it never comes to anything, to deal with it and move on. You're prioritising his desire to hit on women over women's right to feel safe in their homes. We're really not going to end up as a sexless society because people give each other consideration as to what might be appropriate; in my experience, it's the opposite.

Have you read op's post he wants to know how to ask the girl out.

Right. And sometimes the answer is "don't." His desire to hit on her does not outweigh her right to feel safe in her home.

Its a rather cynical way to look at things. just because he took a chance at letting a girl know he likes her doesn't convert to someone suddenly bolting the doors and feeling that their about to be attacked. I grant it may make things a little awkward if the feelings weren't reciprocated but in what setting is it ok to let a woman know u like her then ? I met my partner in the royal mail when we were both xmas casuals , should I not have spoken to her in the work place as she may have felt threatened?

[Ampersand]

It's not cynical - it's a reaction to the level of harassment that a lot of women routinely experience.

It's appropriate to ask someone out in a setting where they feel safe to reject you. Asking someone you know out in a relatively neutral setting, such as a workplace, is fine so long as you don't push it if they say no. That's very different to asking a stranger (acquaintance, at a push) out in their own home.

And, ok, so maybe you think some women are being hypersensitive to this. But it might be in your own self interest to consider that incidences very similar to this have been reported to employers and posted about extensively on social media.

[hero22]

It’s not in my self interest to take any notice of this situation as I had nothing to do with it. To any woman or man who has been harassed they have my complete sympathy but I just feel what this guy did was harmless and unfair to paint him with the weirdo brush.

[barcajr]

You sound like a stalker

[hero22]

I also find it strange that people feel the need to post their experience online through social media. Surely it would be better reporting to the correct authorities rather than splashing it all over Twitter/Facebook etc.