POSTMANS UNIVERSAL LAWS

[montriff]

Gates have always been my bugbear.

The guy who reported me when he asked if I could close his gate and I jokingly said I don't know I've never tried - he didn't find it amusing and neither did the Manager.

The young woman who having negotiated her pram and baby into her premises proceeded to harangue me for CLOSING the gate because it was hard to open when she had the pram.

The old lady who having given me 50p said I wish it was more - to which I replied - aye so do I love - accused me of being ungrateful

got any fat cheques for me??? or the people at christmas who shout you back and you think you're getting a tip as they hand you a card then, say this isn't for me or he doesn't live here

[calpsy]

Gates have always been my bugbear.

The guy who reported me when he asked if I could close his gate and I jokingly said I don't know I've never tried - he didn't find it amusing and neither did the Manager.

The young woman who having negotiated her pram and baby into her premises proceeded to harangue me for CLOSING the gate because it was hard to open when she had the pram.

The old lady who having given me 50p said I wish it was more - to which I replied - aye so do I love - accused me of being ungrateful

HA HA HA 1st one is a cracker . Will have to remember that .

[calpsy]

I love it when they just take the item from you without saying a word.
I say " I beg your pardon? " They just give you a vacant look. So I say
"I'm sorry, I thought you said thankyou "

You tend to know if they are gonna say thanks round my way .

I get ready .

When they turn their back to close the door I put my foot in the door , smile at them with a sympathetic look and say " YOUR WELCOME ! ! ! " then walk away .

[bedfordrl]

If on a rural i get a puncture the regular would have put the spare in the cradle underneath and it will be covered in crap.

If a van breaks down there will be no mobile signal.

Huge door knockers are placed in exactly the right place where you can smack your head onthem,every time,which is strange because you know it's there but still smack it one,the same with hanging baskets.

The heavier the bag on your shoulder or bigger and looser the bundle in your hand is always proportional to the height of the letter box,ie the more mail in the hand means the lower the letterbox.

You only fall off your bike when the audience is large enough.

If a packet falls apart when you try putting it through the letter box,after knocking/ringing, the door will be answered.

You only get a puncture on your bike when you are at the furthest point of your delivery and then no-one will answer the office phone.

[DGP1]

If on a rural i get a puncture the regular would have put the spare in the cradle underneath and it will be covered in crap.

If a van breaks down there will be no mobile signal.

Huge door knockers are placed in exactly the right place where you can smack your head onthem,every time,which is strange because you know it's there but still smack it one,the same with hanging baskets.

The heavier the bag on your shoulder or bigger and looser the bundle in your hand is always proportional to the height of the letter box,ie the more mail in the hand means the lower the letterbox.

You only fall off your bike when the audience is large enough.

If a packet falls apart when you try putting it through the letter box,after knocking/ringing, the door will be answered.

You only get a puncture on your bike when you are at the furthest point of your delivery and then no-one will answer the office phone.

But just make sure your wife doesn't find out about banging you head on customers knockers

[dvbuk55]

If on a rural i get a puncture the regular would have put the spare in the cradle underneath and it will be covered in crap.

If a van breaks down there will be no mobile signal.

Huge door knockers are placed in exactly the right place where you can smack your head onthem,every time,which is strange because you know it's there but still smack it one,the same with hanging baskets.

The heavier the bag on your shoulder or bigger and looser the bundle in your hand is always proportional to the height of the letter box,ie the more mail in the hand means the lower the letterbox.

You only fall off your bike when the audience is large enough.

If a packet falls apart when you try putting it through the letter box,after knocking/ringing, the door will be answered.

You only get a puncture on your bike when you are at the furthest point of your delivery and then no-one will answer the office phone.

But just make sure your wife doesn't find out about banging you head on customers knockers

Filthy old pervert is nothing sacrosanct here - customers knockers indeed, no doubt if he tripped in a flower bed, he'd be into her bloomers - disgusting

[pony]

Customers always come to the door the second you finish filling in the 739.

[Ahebban]

I hate people ...

who let their shrubs and bushes overgrow their path so that you either get stains on your trousers or the smell of lavender ...

Walking into spider webs made in porches ...

'Is that for me?' ...

receiving life histories on the doorstep just because you bring a package from their son in Australia!

[Ahebban]

not forgetting the ....

'I thought i heard the doorbell, i didn't realize it was the postman' ...

being mistaken for the gas man

[mclovin]

Apersonal favourite has to be the knacker who comes to the door then realises they dont have a key, 5 minutes later the key is located and the door is finally opened.

God help them if their house was on fire.

[noggin1969]

Handing over the PDA to the customer for them to sign only to find it has crashed , customer signing the PDA and pressing the off button as they do so ain't modern technology great

[just_nuke_it]

Those that get AT LEAST 5 catalogues/magazines plus loads of other cr@p EVERYDAY and then act surprised and say 'ohh is that all for me??'

Also builders/chavs taking the piss.

And (in the middle of a snowstorm) 'wheres your shorts postie?!'

[REDLETTER]

My current fav "Do you like working for GPO?"

All council house gates are poorly maintained and you either bash your knee as it jams on the floor, cut yout finger on the screws that stick out or ..........you go head first when you put your hand on the gate cause the stupid occupier decided to lean the hinge-less gate up as if its attached to the fence!

oh and the best.............a bolt halfway down the gate on the inside, not visible from the from.......bashed knee again!

[old-postie]

"Where's your black and white cat?"

"I ate it"

"Really, what did it taste like ?"

"What, you've never tasted pussy?"

conversation between me & a bunch of students last year

Old-postie

[old-postie]

when there is a row of terraced houses, every letterbox is at the front apart from one house right in the middle

if you only have 1 letter for a street, it is ALWAYS right at other end of the street

the smaller the dog, the more agressive it is

old-postie