OKay which one of you has been writing for the competition

[TrueBlueTerrier]

SEVE BANKS TO DELIV'R ROYAL MAIL SELL-OFF

Th' dayte put hare wuz'n July 3, 2013

Rote by Sky News

Ministers have finaliset t'line-up o'Citee bankers wurkin on t'privatisashun o'Royal Mail, underlinyun' t'Gummint’s detarminashun to press ahed wit t'sale despite intensifyyun' trade union opposishun.

Sky Noose a'ken reveel at Investec, Nomura an' Royal Bank o'Canada have bee appointid to junier roles on t'prospectif' inishul public offerin (IPO) o'Royal Mail, 48 hours aft'r unyuns dismisset as “unacceptabull” a three-year pay an' condityuns proposal frum t'cumpny.

T' trio o'newlee-appointid investment banks will wurk alongside Bank o'Amurka Merrill Lynch, Barclays, Goldma Sachs an' UBS, which wuz all hiret at t'end o'May.

T' Department fer Bizness, Innovashun an' Skills (BIS) declinet to comment on t'appointmants but Whitehall insiders confirmet at t'banks had bee notifiet on Winsdee. T' timyun' reinferces t'intenshun o'Michael Fallon, t'Bizness Minster leedyun' t'sale, to press ahed despite t'apparent hostilitee o't' unyuns.

T' seve-strong bank syndicate will share a small'r-thun-usual poo o'fees as ministers attempt to drif' down t'cost o'a flotashun. N' total, t'banks air specktid to earn tween £10m an' £15m if'n t'Gummint sells roun £1bn o'Royal Mail shares.

Lazard is also advisyun' t'Gummint on t'privatisashun plans.

Sum sterm clouds continue to hang ov'r t'privatisashun, includin volatilitee n' finanshul markets which could be exacerbatid by renewet trubles n' t'Eurozone.

Royal Mail‘s employee relayshuns also remane a key concern, wit a pay off'r earli'r thishere week linkyun' remunerashun to un absence o'industrial acshun.

Moya Greene, Royal Mail’s chief executif', sed on Mundie: “Cooperashun is cantral to t'future success o't' cumpny. Thishere off'r represants Royal Mail’s commitment to a long-term engagement strategy wit t'CWU an' wit air folk.

“We have alreddy bilt a strong'r Royal Mail togeth'r through clos'r cooperashun an' trust n' resent yeers. We air noe offerin a new long-term agreement wit t'CWU an' air employees.”

Dave Ward, t'CWU deputee genrull secretree, respondet to t'off'r by a'sayn't:

“Postal wurkers want mer securty; whut’s on off'r is less. Wit privatisashun loomyun', t'protectyuns Royal Mail have put on off'r air nairy wurth t'pap'r thay’re writte on. Air members cleerlee votid – by a huge 99 p'r cent – fer a pay rise without strings attachet yet t'cumpny igneres 'um.”

[fishtank]

I must be missing something.
Just looks like a typical Sky News piece to me teebs.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

I must be missing something.
Just looks like a typical Sky News piece to me teebs.

[baldrick]

I reckon it was maisymoo.

[viking]

I thought it must be from a RM manager that we used to have at our office, but then noticed that some of it did make more sense than some of the stuff he wrote, so ive changed my mind

[daveyeff]

its sort of ''ee by gum thas trubble t'mill'' sort of twang. a bit similar to 'eight ace' out of viz, when he,s talking to his BBB BBITCH of a wife.