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If it's bills, you can keep them...
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ysbrydtawel
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 111
- Joined: 03 Feb 2013, 20:57
- Gender: Male
- Location: South West
If it's bills, you can keep them...
Does anyone else find that this starts to get slightly annoying after the 405,687th time? 
We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there.
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Dee Plish
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 282
- Joined: 04 Aug 2009, 18:05
- Gender: Male
- Location: Atop many steps
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
So few times?
What RM delivery staff fail to realise is this: Saying "if it's a bill you can keep it" to a postman is the funniest thing that has ever been invented. It is still unique, original and witty, even when said thousands of times a day, every day.
In my early days on the post, we were discussing this particular saying. One of the senior men told a tale of how this woman on his delivery used to say it to him every time she saw him and fell about laughing after she said it ( it is the funniest thing that has ever been invented, remember). One day he had her electric bill. She said "if it's a bill you can keep it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha". He replied "OK love" and kept it. A couple of weeks later she collars him. "Ooh postman, I'm waiting for me electric bill, i am worried about it. All the neighbours have had theirs". Nowt so queer as folk is there?
What RM delivery staff fail to realise is this: Saying "if it's a bill you can keep it" to a postman is the funniest thing that has ever been invented. It is still unique, original and witty, even when said thousands of times a day, every day.
In my early days on the post, we were discussing this particular saying. One of the senior men told a tale of how this woman on his delivery used to say it to him every time she saw him and fell about laughing after she said it ( it is the funniest thing that has ever been invented, remember). One day he had her electric bill. She said "if it's a bill you can keep it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha". He replied "OK love" and kept it. A couple of weeks later she collars him. "Ooh postman, I'm waiting for me electric bill, i am worried about it. All the neighbours have had theirs". Nowt so queer as folk is there?
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Darren Bent
- Posts: 2150
- Joined: 05 Oct 2007, 15:38
- Gender: Male
- Location: Pride Park, Derby, DE24 8XL
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
A lady ask me if I like to pay her bill yesterday

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fb1969
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 1693
- Joined: 29 Aug 2012, 08:38
- Gender: Male
- Location: hiding on the backstreets
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
I wish they'd stop saying it, I am delayed by about 20 minutes every day while I am sowing my sides back up. Mind you, if I see anyone washing their car I always tell them they can do mine when they've finished.
Royal Mail
failing the workforce, failing the public and deliberately failing mail on a daily basis for too many years.
failing the workforce, failing the public and deliberately failing mail on a daily basis for too many years.
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postman nel
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 122
- Joined: 24 Apr 2013, 15:31
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
Ahh yes....but remember. ..you laugh at that today....more chance of a tip a Christmas. .... 
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cyclemech1
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 334
- Joined: 20 Jul 2009, 20:46
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
I miss it so much that I now say it to MY postie!ysbrydtawel wrote:Does anyone else find that this starts to get slightly annoying after the 405,687th time?
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Lazycarton
- Posts: 193
- Joined: 15 Mar 2012, 18:52
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
My rib buster is : Missed a bit there matefb1969 wrote:I wish they'd stop saying it, I am delayed by about 20 minutes every day while I am sowing my sides back up. Mind you, if I see anyone washing their car I always tell them they can do mine when they've finished.
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cyclemech1
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 334
- Joined: 20 Jul 2009, 20:46
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
'Save yer legs, postie'!Lazycarton wrote:My rib buster is : Missed a bit there matefb1969 wrote:I wish they'd stop saying it, I am delayed by about 20 minutes every day while I am sowing my sides back up. Mind you, if I see anyone washing their car I always tell them they can do mine when they've finished.
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NWpostie
- Posts: 3620
- Joined: 04 Aug 2007, 17:32
- Gender: Male
- Location: Sector 001 Borg Collective, 6 o f 9
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
I just give them a polite smile and roll with it, I have more important things to worry about, its a job and a pay check at the end of the day, you don't have to see these amateur comedians after work 
Six of Nine loves Seven of Nine, together in Electric Dreams.
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Cedar_Room
- Posts: 826
- Joined: 31 Aug 2007, 14:09
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
When I first started (pre Park & Loopy) & was a Reserve getting shipped about here there & everywhere,I used to love it when,after a particularly hard day of not knowing where the funk you were going,you'd get the comedians at the back end of the duty asking 'if this was the nightshift'? 
“Shorts,in this weather?!”
“If they’re bills I don’t want ‘em!”
“What’s she been ordering now?”
“If they’re bills I don’t want ‘em!”
“What’s she been ordering now?”
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ysbrydtawel
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 111
- Joined: 03 Feb 2013, 20:57
- Gender: Male
- Location: South West
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
Towards the end of my delivery, yesterday, while getting a signature:
"You were a bit late with the paper this morning, and you brought me the wrong one the other day!"
Errrmm Miss, I'm not your postie AND your paper boy... take your pick
"You were a bit late with the paper this morning, and you brought me the wrong one the other day!"
Errrmm Miss, I'm not your postie AND your paper boy... take your pick
We have a perfect record in aviation: we never left one up there.
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gand
- Posts: 253
- Joined: 10 Aug 2011, 17:36
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
What gets to me is days when its been pissing down all day. But customers still feel the need to remind you about it.
"That's a terrible day for your job postman" know f***ing s**t Sherlock I've only been out in it all day!
"That's a terrible day for your job postman" know f***ing s**t Sherlock I've only been out in it all day!
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TrueBlueTerrier
- FORUM ADMINISTRATOR
- Posts: 72727
- Joined: 30 Dec 2006, 10:29
- Gender: Male
- Location: On my couch
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
I replyIf it's bills, you can keep them...
"No its ok I have already given Bill his mail"
"But he asked me to leave them here"
"Are you sure, he won''t be upset"
I just love the look of confusion that they get when trying to make sense of it".
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kirakk
- Posts: 18
- Joined: 03 Jan 2013, 19:37
- Gender: Male
- Location: Nearest pub
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
It's always a quick reply from me,(especially with the older ones)OK no problems but it will come back red next time.
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saddlerposty
- EX ROYAL MAIL
- Posts: 248
- Joined: 08 Mar 2010, 18:20
- Gender: Male
Re: If it's bills, you can keep them...
"i dont want em if theyre bills" i look at the envolopes and say " no, bills had his, these are definatly yours .............Blank look ........woooooosh over there stupid cliche heads.