terminally ill father - where do i stand?

[johnojones]

Hi,I am a bit of a predicament and not sure of the formalities on this particular situation.Also this is my first post so please excuse if it is in the wrong section.
My father is terminally ill with cancer and the last 2 weeks has seen him go rapidly downhill.I informed my line manager last week that he,my father, had not got long to live and that my duty may have to be covered at short notice.
Yesterday morning my father was moved to a local hospice to spend his last few days under the care of trained medical staff.Late last night i was told that he only had a couple of days left at most.(sorry,i feel it difficult to write this).
I couldn't sleep at all through the night and all that was going through my mind was to go and visit him for possibly the last time.I got up today and felt that i could not go to work because of the upset ,my frame of mind was not right and of course i need to see him this morning fearing that I may be too late if i went after work.
So,i phoned in this morning well before my starting time(I am employed 25 hours a week,9am start although i am normally in at 8.15) A line manager answered and i said that i was unable to attend work today because my father had been taken into hospital and it doesn't look good,could i have compassionate leave please ? The answer was immediate: No.You can have special leave without pay.
Not very compassionate really is it ? Feeling the response was a bit thoughtless,i asked to speak to my own line manager.I then heard him being called very loudly from his section,and my exact words of the conversation shouted to him for all to hear.Although not entirely happy that i was not turning up for work,my own line manager was a bit more understanding and asked why i hadn't done my D2D's.
So,do I get Special leave for this,how long can i have ? Is there such a thing as compassionate leave at Royal mail or will this be taken as unauthorised absence.

Thanks for any replies forthcoming.
JJ.

[PostBoxer]

Tell the manager you need special leave, And now go to your father and be with him.
My dad died in febuary, i feel your pain.

[whisperstar24]

first of all i think you would be entitled to at least one week of special leave paid because its your father.Secondly after that you should get special leave unpaid as a matter of respect for yourself.Can you move any leave you are entitled to around that.
Also you are a carer for your father.In law you have certain rights around that.It could be regarded as discrimination against yourself

i would consider a grievance against your manager and your rep should be helping you

[johnojones]

Thanks for those 2 replies.It is a tough time.
I called into the Delivery Office on the way back from visiting my dad to hear that the DOM was trying to contact me and that she wanted to see me.I called at her office and she asked basically to be briefed about the situation and how things stood.She also apologised for the initial response from the phone call with the 1st line manager without me quoting anything to her,so not sure who has said what.But besides that,she was more understanding and offered today and any other days prior to my imminent loss can be covered by outstanding AL of which I have plenty.The bereavement itself would be 5 days special leave A.Also i could not guarantee being in in the morning and she understood completely and assured me that although the senior staff are under enormous pressure,my priorities lie with my family.
A much more professional approach.
But i am still irked by the reaction and blatant dismissive response by that line manager and will be seriously considering the grievance prcedure, thanks whisperstar24 .He has been in hot water many times and i will seek guidance from my rep on my return.

[postypie]

RM managers .....where do they get them from?

[ebbzie]

Glad you got it sorted mate. You dont need problems from work. My thoughts are with you

[whisperstar24]

my best wishes and thoughts to you at this time

[mandelsons_toenail]

thoughts are with you and your family and of course your dad

[doorstepped]

first thing first, my thoughts are with you and your family at this awful time. I lost my younger brother to cancer 15 years ago and it's a relief when they do go.

secondly, I would take out a grievance against the first manager you spoke to, no way should he be shouting across a busy office your private affairs to another colleague for all to hear whether they know or not.
although personally I would walk up to him and tell him what I thought in no uncertain terms.

thirdly, go and be with your Father, sod work, family comes first and always will do.

take it easy m8

[johnojones]

thanks all,and to doorstepped,that will be taken further and was exactly what the missus said,word for word.

[bobbyden]

My thoughts are with you and your family at what has been a difficult time. I lost my own Father in 2010 and was absent from work for over 2 weeks. I went over the 7 days allowed for compassionate leave and therefore had no option but to take special leave unpaid.

In defence of the Royal Mail, I was not given as hard a time as you were, but overall, it could and should have been better. In all my years at the Royal Mail, this was the most harrowing experience of all. Thankfully, I had the help and support of wonderful friends and colleagues, and away from the workplace, a family to be proud of. We all rallied around each other and helped each other come to terms with losing somebody who meant so much to us all.

[johnojones]

Thanks bobbyden for those words.I haven't been back on the boards for a while.My father passed away later that day i went to visit him,so in that respect i feel i did the right thing and my conscience is clear.I put my gut feeling first and it turned out to be the right decision.As ill as he was,I gave him a sip of Guiness and his face was one of contentment.
I took 2 days off and returned to work as i couldn't get any more paid days off than the 5 given for special leave as my Annual Leave had already been allocated apparently,although nobody bothered to inform me.Still,sometimes it helps to get back to everyday things.With a bit of jiggerring i managed to move a few days A/L over and that helped during the week of the funeral.
I never bothered with reporting the manager,mainly because I had been off and just found myself going through the motions on return to the workplace.Since I joined RM there have been so many unwelcome instances and bad expreiences that this just seemed yet another pathetic episode of a somewhat customary stance taken by the senior members in high positions.Last time i made a stand against this eejit he said i was militant ,can you believe that.They do not like us part-timers even breathing.Be seen and not heard is the motto at our depot.
My head's still in a bit of a daze (as probably expected) so the odd mistake is creeping in so they will probably call me in "for a chat " soon.

[bobbyden]

To Johnojones

I am truly sorry to learn of your fathers' passing. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your loved ones at this very sad time.
As is always the case in these circumstances, there are good days and bad ones. As far I am concerned your work is not an issue. Continue to do the job to the best of your ability. I am sure your Dad will help you, as was the case with my father.

Regards

Bobbyden

[whisperstar24]

so sorry to hear about your news