World Class Mail Speak

[24601]

From a newsletter
"I am looking to upskill myself in cost deployment.I will be looking to construct a new set of matrices for our 2nd iteration-which in turn formulates our project plans against greatest losses"
"We are looking to horizontally expand at pace going forward"
" There are hotspots of bins being contaminated.We will be looking to address these going forward"

[Biker Mouse]

Pretentious twats!

[fishtank]

It's verbal Polyfilla.
If you have a hole in your understanding of a particular subject you fill it with non-statements.
When a Premiership footballer pops up on T.V. and someone asks him a tough question like how do you think the game went? they use fillers like "at the end of the day","to be fair" and "there are no easy games".
Managers love non-statements because they mean nothing so they can't get them wrong.
Obviously WCM pillars do too.
If you take a non-statement like "We are looking to horizontally expand at pace going forward" it means absolutely nothing.
It means much the same if you just jumble the words about "We are going to pace and expand looking forward and horizontally".
It's booooollllloooooocks.

[jmcg]

its so good to see people embracing the world class mail philosophy...just imagine how good royal mail would be if we were all to do likewise....

[dvbuk55]

Well I hope they don't hit me with crap like that because I only understood about 4 words and they weren't consecutive. Did anyone understand what it meant? We are postmen FFS if I could put sentences like that together and have someone understand it would I be looking for another job. I may look to get a job at 150 Broadway.............not that their missives are that clever but they gag on and mean nothing.

[24601]

The authors are OPG's who now don't do deliveries,work Saturdays,operate CSS machines and get loads of DoD (Docket on Demand)

[dvbuk55]

The authors are OPG's who now don't do deliveries,work Saturdays,operate CSS machines and get loads of DoD (Docket on Demand)

If only I hadn't spent my youth in wastrel pastimes I too could be, well, a master of prose like those guys - I mean - no deliveries (check), no Saturdays (check) no operating CSS machines (check) and loads of DoD (no) - still 3 out of 4 isn't too bad for a total illiterate

[DGP1]

The authors are OPG's who now don't do deliveries,work Saturdays,operate CSS machines and get loads of DoD (Docket on Demand)

If only I hadn't spent my youth in wastrel pastimes I too could be, well, a master of prose like those guys - I mean - no deliveries (check), no Saturdays (check) no operating CSS machines (check) and loads of DoD (no) - still 3 out of 4 isn't too bad for a total illiterate

http://www.stickings90.supanet.com/pages/buzzword.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Go on, you know it makes sense

[DGP1]

Responsive Logistical Projection
Optimal Monitored Flexibility
Compatible Management Flexibility

So it just goes to show that they're all just made up words and phrases....................unless it's in simple English and makes sense then it's useless and only for managers to try to look smart (when the reality is it makes you look a complete idiot).

[dvbuk55]

Responsive Logistical Projection
Optimal Monitored Flexibility
Compatible Management Flexibility

So it just goes to show that they're all just made up words and phrases....................unless it's in simple English and makes sense then it's useless and only for managers to try to look smart (when the reality is it makes you look a complete idiot).

I thought there was an initiative at some stage to keeping it in simple terms...............I do like the flexibilty part though, I remember once going out with a young lady who was a double jointed gymnast...........now that was flexibility at its best.

[Donk]

Apologies to the original artist.............

[Cut Off King]

I think I can translate....

"I am looking to upskill myself in cost deployment.I will be looking to construct a new set of matrices for our 2nd iteration-which in turn formulates our project plans against greatest losses"

*** I want an easier job, one where I can bamboozle the boss with meaningless figures and graphs, and get paid more for it .

"We are looking to horizontally expand at pace going forward"

*** I intend to eat more do-nuts, and work less while achieving nothing of value.

" There are hotspots of bins being contaminated.We will be looking to address these going forward"

*** I need a new project to waste time on or they might move me and find me a real job !

[dvbuk55]

I think I can translate....

"I am looking to upskill myself in cost deployment.I will be looking to construct a new set of matrices for our 2nd iteration-which in turn formulates our project plans against greatest losses"

*** I want an easier job, one where I can bamboozle the boss with meaningless figures and graphs, and get paid more for it .

"We are looking to horizontally expand at pace going forward"

*** I intend to eat more do-nuts, and work less while achieving nothing of value.

" There are hotspots of bins being contaminated.We will be looking to address these going forward"

*** I need a new project to waste time on or they might move me and find me a real job !

Yes I understand it now it has been put in plain speak

[TrueBlueTerrier]

You know I always thought Bill and Ben were ahead of their time. I thought they were talking gobbledegook when in actual fact it was WCM they were describing.

[Cut Off King]

Flobba dobba dob