Things Customers Say

[ElvisGaddafi]

Top 10 Things Customers Say (with my usual response in brackets)

1. “If it’s bills you can keep them.” (Ha Ha Ha that’s hilarious, never heard that before, wait ‘til I tell the guys in the office they’ll piss themselves)
2. “Any spare Giros?” (Ha Ha Ha that’s hilarious, never heard that before, wait ‘til I tell the guys in the office they’ll piss themselves)
3. “Any mail for me mate? I know you’re not supposed to give us it in the street but I’m just going on holiday/to the doctors/to the hospital etc.” ( Normally I would give it to you mate, even though I’ve never seen you before in my life and I’ve been on this duty for 5 years and you’re asking for mail for an address 10 streets away but a guy in my office just got sacked for doing the same thing only yesterday so….sorry.)
4. “I wouldn’t fancy your job mate” (Really? Why what do you do? Nothing apart from smoke dope and sign on? Fair enough.)
5. “Don’t fancy your job in this weather mate” (Aye it’s a dirty job but somebody’s got to do it.)
6. “Better day for you today” (sigh)
7. “My mother/granny/auntie posted a letter in John O’Groats 2 months ago and it hasn’t arrived in South Africa yet.” (Ok, I’ll look into it first thing in the morning)
8. “It’s okay mate he’s just being friendly – Oh he’s never done that before!” (Aye well he’ll not do it again if I’ve got anything to do with it mate. Hopefully he’ll get put down. Oh, and you can collect your mail from the sorting office from now on. Have a nice day)
9. “I used to be a postie 30 years ago.It’s a different job noo son. I remember one day in 1983 I was….” (I’m sorry mate I’m in a real hurry, catch you later, bye..)
10. “Print where son? I’ve no got my glasses. Oh I think I’ve done it the wrong way round” (Aye ye have and in the totally wrong place but that’s fine I’ll just waste a bit more time tearing the barcode stickers off and trying to stick them back down against the right signatures.)

Feel free to add your own.

[spen]

hope its the winning lottery numbers in it

[spen]

when delivering a packet,,," what is it" response" its very difficult for me to tell whilst its still wrapped"

[deko79]

that dog never bites!!! u must have been teasing it! (sorry dear i can`t stop and talk i`m off to sit in the a&e for 3 hours to wait for a tetanus!)

[Dorset Plodder]

1. "I'm waiting for a parcel it should be here by now!"

2. "My Nan sent three cards all on the same day and this is the only one that's got here!"

3. "My mails been nicked because I should have got it by now, and it's IMPORTANT!"

4. "My dog only eats twice a day...The Milkman and The Postman Ha Ha ha!"

5. "How much do you think it'll cost to post this parcel?"

6. "You've given me a letter for next door...Have you been giving them all my mail because they're on Holiday!"

[steven100]

"Your late today postie" - its only 11 am. ....Just wait til they get there mail at 4pm

[britwrit]

"Like Postman Pat, right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

[eian687]

why are you late my normal postman is always here before 9am..............................we dont leave the office till 9 on a monday 9:30 to 10:30 most days

[ElvisGaddafi]

"Like Postman Pat, right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

I was on my walk one day and there were 3 or 4 guys on scaffolding roughcasting a house. One of them started singing Postman Pat as soon as he saw me and kept it up while I worked my way along one side of the street and then crossed over to his side. When i got to the house they were working on he shouted "I bet you get that all the time postie!". I replied, "Aye but you're the first one over 5 years old". His mates nearly fell off the scaffolding they were laughing so much. His face went bright red and I could hear them ripping the pish out of him all the way along the street. They were still there for the next few days and I got great enjoyment every day out of asking "No singing big man?"

[comeracing]

1 most say good morning,i reply no its afternoon,wish it was morning
2 how many bags today 7 i reply no ive got 8.
3 wondered what was inside those boxes on street corners,i reply surprising how much food and drink you can store in those.

[kingofmcr]

how much does it cost to post an 8k parcel to india ..( hang on while i get my weighing scales out of the bag )

[stokes11eg]

'I wonder if you can tell me how to get to xxx?'

[arnold cheshire]

"Like Postman Pat, right? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

I was on my walk one day and there were 3 or 4 guys on scaffolding roughcasting a house. One of them started singing Postman Pat as soon as he saw me and kept it up while I worked my way along one side of the street and then crossed over to his side. When i got to the house they were working on he shouted "I bet you get that all the time postie!". I replied, "Aye but you're the first one over 5 years old". His mates nearly fell off the scaffolding they were laughing so much. His face went bright red and I could hear them ripping the pish out of him all the way along the street. They were still there for the next few days and I got great enjoyment every day out of asking "No singing big man?"

i never get that off builders anymore cause you can just sing BOB THE BUILDER

[gunners1]

"does this packet need signing for" as you are walking away from them

[eian687]

oi postie these people dont live here and haven't for a long time.the regular postman knows this.................. duh how would i know i only do this delivery once in a blue moon