first aiders briefing

[bensonhedge]

it was today announced that as part of modernisation and budget cuts that the cwu and royal mail have agreed that all staff who are trained as first aiders will now use dead stickers as plasters.this is to save the company the £500 it spends anually on plasters.all staff are encouraged to take out a roll in their pouch incase of dog bites when many dead stickers should be applied to the wound to stem the flow of blood.any dead stickers that can be retrieved from the wound should be brought back to the office for further use on killing off dead mail.

[clashcityrocker]

Redirection bags could be used to keep any wounds free from infection.
Mail destined for confidential waste could be soaked and then used as papier mache (poor man's plaster of Paris) to set broken bones.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

Well they do peel off better than the Tesco ones

[belle]

dont give rm silly ideas

[stokes11eg]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

[PostieWithTheMostie!]

If your out on your Duty and suddenly get a dose of the Sh!ts .... You could always stick some DSA in your pants to act as a Barrier until you safely get to a Toilet.. And you could use some Rubber Bands around your trouser legs to stem any un~wanted flow.

[bensonhedge]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

ROYAL MAIL WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES THAT PUTTING RUBBER BANDS ON THE END OF YOUR PENIS COULD RESULT IN INJURY AND A STAGE 1 BEEN ISSUED.

[clashcityrocker]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

ROYAL MAIL WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES THAT PUTTING RUBBER BANDS ON THE END OF YOUR PENIS COULD RESULT IN INJURY AND A STAGE 1 BEEN ISSUED.

Usually people put the rubber bands at the end of their penis to try to maintain an erection (or so I have been told)
Some people have an allergy to the rubber and this leads to them having a massive reaction.

[camphill888]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

ROYAL MAIL WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES THAT PUTTING RUBBER BANDS ON THE END OF YOUR PENIS COULD RESULT IN INJURY AND A STAGE 1 BEEN ISSUED.

[Straight4ward]

Dead stickers, bensonhedge? Surely not for use by first-aiders?

Shouldn't these be restricted for use by the Coroner, as in this postie is no more? 'E is an ex-postie, 'E has ceased to be! etc, etc. That's why we stuck a Dead Sticker on his forehead!

[REDLETTER]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

These are now to be used as a tourniquet, also to help stem the flow of blood!


Footnote: Regarding the use of rubber bands, make sure brown bands are used as red ones can cause other injuries when they snap due to their poor quality, watch out for areas such as eyes, groin, boobs, or for DOMS their arse!

[dvbuk55]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

Well one of my former colleagues was a stripper and he said that it helped to give a a ahem certain girth but not to leave it on too long - certainly if there was a colour change to black, better remove it straight away - after the photo was taken of course

[mazza111]

I'm led to believe they can give the same effect as rings sold for certain parts of the body in certain shops, a quick google may give u guys the general idea should u need to make use of your rubber bands

[stokes11eg]

And what will they do with the rubber bands?

Well one of my former colleagues was a stripper and he said that it helped to give a a ahem certain girth but not to leave it on too long - certainly if there was a colour change to black, better remove it straight away - after the photo was taken of course

Former collaugue--So you and D.G.P HAVE fallen out------fancy loosing out to an elastic band! Now, no more of the post goinhg of at a tangent again.

[dvbuk55]

I'm led to believe they can give the same effect as rings sold for certain parts of the body in certain shops, a quick google may give u guys the general idea should u need to make use of your rubber bands

I'm certainly going to give the quick google a go mazza.