The Story So Far

[wolfie citizen smith]

The Government wishes to make it quite clear that the era of giant finance sector bonuses is over, having said that, it’s business as usual. Ministers say no more public cash will be made available to banks that award huge sums to any but the most deserving. Fortunately for the employees of these saved banks, that includes everyone. The Royal Bank of Scotland, strapped to a hospital bed with a tube up its nose, will spread a billion pounds over its 177,000 staff just for being good enough to show up for work. It’s hardly a reward for a job well done, the taxpayer gave it a lifesaving transplant of £20 billion just to keep it going, and to keep its executives in the manner to which they’ve become accustomed.

Banks say they have to pay these sums because without them they’ll lose their best people, which might be true if the entire banking industry were not on life support. Their best people would be lucky getting a job helping to pack the belongings of their recently fired co-workers in cardboard boxes. This sort of reward for merely doing the job is not a feature of the value for money we enjoy from Her Majesty’s Government. No huge expense claims and profligate use of tax payers cash there. Except for the Royal Mail whose bosses have done such a tremendous job running the company that 16,000 staff face the axe. In celebration its chiefs have awarded themselves a million pound upgrade to their offices including £100,000 worth of the best chairs that Italian designers can offer, to go with their hand made custom built walnut desks, a snip at just £6000 each.

Jacqui Smith the home secretary wouldn’t put up with that at her department. A point she could make from her sister’s place where she stays for a few days a week, allowing her to claim her own family home as her second home, which allows her to claim every penny of the £24,000 allowed. Last year she claimed more in expenses than she got in salary. It totalled £300,000. All within the rules she says. As are the Royal Mail’s luxury offices, as are the bank bonuses. And who writes these rules? Not you or I. The people who write the rules are the recipients of the benefits outlined in those rules. Did someone say conflict of interest?

The Home Secretary, the person responsible for the upkeep of law and order and the prosecution of n’er do wells, is under examination on the pretext that she may have fiddled her expenses. The Right Honourable Jacqui has been accused of not being honourable at all. This row may have blown over were it not for a few telling details. Firstly, that she has made it clear that she wishes her fellow MP’s to come clean about their expenses, to be open and transparent. And secondly, because she voted against the openness and transparency of MP’s expenses when the Freedom of Information Act looked as though it might net a slew of dishonourable members with their hands in the till.

She claims that the spare room in her sisters flat is her main home, which allowed her to trouser over £100,000 in expenses on her family home. You may think that a person’s family home, where their family lives, is their main home but that is because you don’t understand the complexities of the expenses system, which seems to make allowances for whatever you can get away with. Not you obviously, nor I – we’re not allowed to get away with anything. Indeed it looked as though Ms Smith might be spared investigation were it not for an alert neighbour who poured scorn on Smith’s assertion that she spent most of the week at her sister’s place. “Oh no she doesn’t”, said the next door inhabitant, unhelpfully – there’s police men with machine guns in the street whenever she’s there, which isn’t often at all.

After much deliberation the explanation came that you can’t always spot the coppers on duty. Really? You can’t spot armed policemen with their guns and tasers and batons and utility belts and screeching radios and big hats? Batman would be more likely to blend in to the surroundings. And so the toothless, gummy parliamentary watchdog has hauled itself to its feet from in front of the fire and will examine the case closely, before retiring to return a verdict of not guilty: the full majesty of the law in action.

David Cameron’s response to Jacqui Smith’s second home expenses row has been muted to say the least. He put his hands in his pockets, looked at his shoes and mumbled something about someone needing to give it a quick glance and the reason is obvious, it’s not just Labour MP’s who are filling their boots with our money, they’re all at it. A senior Tory with a fortune of £27 million charged us 50 grand to clear the gutters on his £1.5 million country estate. You might think he should pay for that himself but that is because you fail to appreciate the vital role of rain troughs to the running of Parliament. If the gutters of the nation are not kept clear, where will we find our new crop of MP’s?

Standing in a queue for a job in Europe, probably; as while MP’s can wangle five figure expenses by following the rules, MEP’s can trouser a million pounds in over just five years by doing the exact same thing. It’s like sitting down to a four course meal, with each course made solely of money. They get £104,000 subsistence, which meals, taxis and whatever else takes their fancy, a staff allowance of half a million pounds, which will pay for the world’s most expensive typist, office expenses of a quarter of a million pounds in case they want paper clips made of diamonds and travel expenses of £60,000 should they need to go to work on the space shuttle. A £350,000 pension is on top and I haven’t even mentioned their salary, which is extra. They need all this cash so as to fully maximise the amount of time they spend tirelessly working for the common good. And if you believe that I have some banking shares I’d like to interest you in. Similarly, Jacqui Smith says, that in calling her sister’s spare room her main residence, (allowing her to claim £116,000 in expenses on her real home) is giving the tax payer excellent value for money. She only had our best interests at heart. In fact, like the MEP’s she’s actually doing us a favour. Speaking on behalf of the freshly skint people of Great Britain I say this: please, Jacqui, don’t do us any more favours. We can’t afford it.

[ronpetetrevchris]

I see trouble ahead..............

[wolfie citizen smith]

let them create a huge smoke screen first, so they can play hid and seek. "You never know" will be the cry everyone may forget about it soon.

[dvbuk55]

Wolfie - you are so damned negative - they deserve every penny they manage to steal from us - because they have the receipts - by the way did you know it was his brother in law who did the gutters? As for the next election - they are falling over themselves for a Euro MP Seat - they steal even more - our MEP was paying his wife and daughter a salary from the Euro funds because they worked for a company he set up as a "research unit" - you know the script - it doesn't really matter what position they hold - if he was jobless he would be claiming every shilling under the sun under whatever guise the allowance is for whereas you or I would be getting the basic rate.

[wolfie citizen smith]

dvbuck55...I don't feel negative, I'm just relating stuff that I feel people may be interested in.
If however you or I was in the same position as these MP's or MEP's do you believe our princables would come into play regarding the amount of rulings we could use to manipulate the system?
Of course not!!! as we will too be scamming / fleecing as much as the system would allow us, like any other law abiding person
Speaking of the law, get your reading goggles around this and tell me what you think.....

You may not have the highest regard for the law. You may think that if the law was any more of an ass you could take it for a ride on Blackpool Pleasure Beach. One man who might justifiably hold that position is retired financial adviser Graham Hall who went to his local police station to report a burglary. At the door he was greeted with the traditional welcome message of police stations across the country- a sign that said CLOSED.

Apparently an agreement had been hammered out between the forces of order and the resident criminals that the latter should restrict their recalcitrance to office hours only. Rueing his ignorance of local mores, he hot footed it to head office of Thames Valley Police, only to find it completely uninfested by policemen. Or at least there weren’t any policemen who could help him in his hour of need as they were busy on official business, trying not to lose too much money at cards. The security man at the front desk helpfully explained that a top level poker match was under way and it was more than his job’s worth to interrupt the officers in their endeavours but proffered a complimentary police fridge magnet as compensation and invited him to leave the premises. He was assured that an officer would contact him as soon as possible and sure enough, a week later, he is still waiting for a call.

It is this sort of efficient, positive and diligent action that the British police are famous for world wide. It’s why paying our council tax is such a pleasure, certain as we are that we are receiving excellent value for money and that no funds are going astray, or are being wasted on, for instance, betting on the off chance of completing a straight flush by changing all the cards in your hand. However you may feel about this, one thing is certain and that is that the law is not an ass, to say that would be cheap and unfair…to donkeys everywhere.