Junk mail is fair enough - but please shut the gate

[TrueBlueTerrier]

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Unfortunately, most of them approach my door when I’m out.

I’m not inventing imaginary friends: I know people have nipped round because they leave calling cards - and, almost without fail, are unable to close the gate behind them.

(The postman also leaves the gate open. It’s not a tricky gate - just a lever in a slot. Not that I’m burning with fury about it, though...)

Anyway, back to the calling cards. In the last four days, I have received 13.

They all include nice messages and a contact number:

- Want to get your business noticed? Call 01603 3****6;

- Would you like to sell your house this month? CALL NOW ON 01603 9****0 RIGHT NOW!

Lots of my kind callers are offering to deliver food and drink to my door for nothing but the price of the food and drink. Perhaps a rumour is getting around that I’m sad and lonely?

You’ve probably worked out by now that I get a constant stream of junk mail thrust through my letterbox by people with a gate-operating deficiency.

It happens pretty much every day.

I guess it’s rather a waste of money, but it’d be a bit rich for someone working in the newspaper industry to make that accusation.

I’m more bothered by the constant temptation.

I’m not naturally svelte: I have to work hard even to look out of condition. It’s not easy to eat healthily, partly because I can’t be bothered to cook when I get in from work.

I’m vulnerable, and I fear I’m being targeted by takeaways and supermarkets.

They know how much I’d love a steakwich, a 12in stuffed-crust margherita hot, doner meat with chips and cheese, a Ferrero Temptation sundae, or a 
king prawn satay with prawn balls.

My mouth is watering as I write this, but fortunately I’m playing football in an hour, so my wallet and waistline are safe.

Actually, in 14 months of living in Norwich I have had a grand total of one takeaway.

But I do wish the local purveyors of carbs, cholesterol and salt would quit trying to get me off the wagon.

I know, there is something I could do about it.

I could put up a sign on my door, declaring: ‘No junk mail, no hawkers, no person-distracting-me-while-accomplice-nips-in-and-nicks-my-1970s-pouffe, no Jehovah’s Witnesses, no woman, no cry.’

But those signs send a message to the world that you are a loner who keeps your curtains drawn in the daytime and who has never spoken to someone of the 
opposite sex.

Ok, there’s more than a grain of truth in it, but I’d sooner not advertise it.

Instead, I’d prefer that the many businesses which do leaflet drops would stop - it’s not how I buy things.

The exception will be if someone shuts my gate: I’ll get a takeaway from the first deliverer who can manage that.

[redneck]

Take your gate off. Problem solved.

[DirtyHarry]

Forget the f***ing gate, it really isn't that f***ing important.

[Lounge Lizard]

But why not leave a gate as you find it ?
In too much of a hurry to get back and do more lapsing ?

[DirtyHarry]

Why?
Because it isn't important. Necessary. Obligatory. That's why.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

Why?
Because it isn't important. Necessary. Obligatory. That's why.

Its polite though.

I always try to show the respect to others property that I would expect on mine. Plus its a safety issue, a closed gate will hopefully stop both known and unknown dogs escaping and literally biting you in the arse.

[WOBBLY]

If the gate is open when I enter, it stays open.
If I have to open the gate to enter I close it when I leave.

[DirtyHarry]

Honestly lads, don't we have enough to contend with these days, without castigating colleagues over whether or not they close the bloody gate after 'em?

I mean, really?

[k979aaa]

A lot of our's don't use gate's they leap over them as that is what sheep do.

[parforthewalk]

In my experience 99% are ill-fitting & therefore don't close properly, it's bad enough having to struggle to lift up/shove & fiddle about opening the fckin things with out having to spend the same amount time (sometimes longer) frigging about closing them!

Generally any complaints via management, I explain the situation & state its not my problem if the gate is shite & if want to get pedantic its also a H&S issue..Manager (of the day) turns & walks away...end of!!