MPs accuse Santa of scaremongering over universal present

[TrueBlueTerrier]

MPs accuse Santa of scaremongering over threats to universal present delivery

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Santa Claus has been accused of scaremongering after he told a committee of MPs that the universal present service is under threat. Appearing before the Business, Skills and Innovation Committee Claus told MPs that his ability to deliver presents on time to children in the remotest parts of the UK could no longer be guaranteed.

‘It’s not like the old days when kids were happy with a tangerine and a drum’ Claus told MPs. ‘Nowadays children expect iPads and PlayStations and boxes of Lego and Barbie dolls. Once you factor in rising population trends you soon realise that a commitment to unfettered direct present delivery within a 12-hour period is no longer sustainable’.

When asked if a tighter enforcement of the ‘naughty and nice’ rule might not lead to a reduction in the overall number of presents to be delivered Claus replied that he felt this would be ‘a mean spirited approach which would undoubtedly diminish the reputation of the franchise’.

Shares in North Pole Present Service (NPPS) fell sharply on the back of Claus’s appearance before the committee leading some industry analysts to claim that the reduction in the levels of service was inevitable after the controversial privatisation of the NPPS two years ago.

Meanwhile Bushy Evergreen, leader of the ‘Christmas Elves and Associated Reindeers Union’ said that many of his members found the demands of increased productivity unbearable and were now leaving in their droves. ‘Many elves have had enough’ said Evergreen ‘every year they’re working their fingers to the bone for next to nothing while the boss gets all the credit. Some of my members have suffered nervous breakdowns, descended into alcoholism or taken up jobs with Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen’.

Claus’s appearance before the committee ended on a sour note when he was asked by MPs what measures he felt could be taken to help improve the service. When Claus suggested that sharing the burden of present delivery with the Royal Mail might ensure that all UK presents were delivered on time there was widespread laughter among MPs to which Claus replied ‘Ho ho f***ing ho’.

[taxi4leighton]

this is priceless
funniest ive ever seen onRMC
well done