Never mind the Dog watch out For Geese

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Country notebook, by Liam Mulvin

As a rural postman, I am well aware that a lot of isolated farms and cottages will often have a dog or two running loose about the place. They are there to protect and guard. I also find that as I get to know them, in the main, they begin to accept me as a regular and harmless, frequent visitor.

I just wonder why this happy eventuality does not apply to the ‘attack’ geese of the rural world. Is each goose told, probably while still an egg, of

the sterling and heroic defence that their ancestors performed in saving Rome?

Are they hatched on tales of small flocks kicking up a frightful din when danger threatens, which in turn alerts their humans of impending doom?

My assumption has to be that the geese of today are determined to live up to the past.

You can reason with a dog; not so with a goose. The head of the goose goes down; its neck extends with vicious beak even closer to postal legs; a brutal hiss fills the air; and then it charges.

Eventually an old countryman tried to explain how I could get the upper hand.

“Make like a goose,” he quoted. “Put your head out forward, put your arms up in the air like giant wings, and then hiss and step forward. That old goose will back down for sure.”

I stood for it. Somehow I felt sure he was right, so the following day I put his plan into action.

Incredibly… it worked… except for one tiny mistake on my part. Never try to make a goose back down when it’s trapped in the porch of the house. Its only means of escape was through my stupid body filling the porch entrance. You should see the bruises on my legs. Ouch!