I'm giving up hope for our postal service

[POSTMAN]

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Yesterday's post brought a lovely surprise. There, among the bills and the Somerfield fliers (I get one almost every day, and if there is a Somerfield within a five-mile radius of where I live, I've never seen it) was a parcel. Not a slim volume from a poetry publisher I've never heard of, not a pile of books from Amazon to plough through for my next interview, but a proper, squashy brown paper parcel. And in the middle of it, the handwriting of a friend.

Underneath the brown paper, there was shiny pink paper. Underneath that, there was something soft and red. On top of it, there was a note. "I bought this," it said, "and it's not right. If not right for you, then please just give to Oxfam."

I'm not sure if I can say that the rose-scattered shift dress, as tight as a second skin, is "right", but I'll tell you this: it's gorgeous. It was better than a bunch of roses, better than a phone-call, better – by about a million miles – than a text. It was word made flesh, or, at least, thought made (fabulous, exuberant) fabric. It's not just romantic love that can be like a red, red rose.

In the same post, there was an envelope addressed to "the occupiers". "Thank you for contacting Royal Mail about the 'opting out' of Door to Door deliveries," it said. "We are happy to stop deliveries of unaddressed items to your address, but before doing so we need to make you fully aware of the implications of opting out."

These, it seemed, were myriad. The Royal Mail, it transpired, wasn't "happy" at all. In sending an email about the Somerfield fliers (so long ago that I'd now forgotten), I had unleashed their wrath. For some reason – could it be economic? – they're very keen on the Somerfield fliers. What they're rather less keen on is my post. Because what I should have received yesterday was my passport. Knowing that my local postmen are quite relaxed about the post – arriving in the afternoon, leaving "we tried to deliver this parcel" cards even when I'm at home, as if the pressing of a doorbell might trigger accusations from invisible colleagues of excessive zeal – I queued up at the post office to get a "guaranteed next day delivery". Six days after the Syrian embassy posted it back, it still hadn't arrived. I'm going – or meant to be going – tomorrow.

In the end, I went to my local depot (and yes, of course I tried to phone first). There it was. Happily waiting till doomsday. "Oh yeah, we tried to deliver it," said the man at the window. "No, you didn't," I said. "There are no cards, and I've been in." The man paused for inspiration. "Oh yes," he said triumphantly, "on the 19th there was a strike. It must have been one of the managers who didn't leave a card."

I'm afraid I wasn't surprised by claims this week that some Royal Mail managers have rigged research to give a false impression about the efficiency of deliveries. A small group of managers has, apparently, doubled their income in bonuses by hitting – or seeming to hit – their targets.

The Managing Director of Royal Mail Letters, Mark Higson, says he is "proud" of the Royal Mail's performance. Last financial year, Adam Crozier, its chief executive, earned more than £3m.

I love the post – the eternal possibility of cards and love letters and rose-scattered dresses. I love it so much that I'd quite like to get it delivered, not to my depot but my door. "Royal Mail Door to Door" was the heading on that fierce letter they miraculously managed to send me. Door to door? If only.

[k979aaa]

For you cannot OPT out with out being a subversive these days!. My god next we will all have too suck :cfo toe's just too post a letter and if we want it delivered we must praise and hail :lfo as long as it has nothing to do with our corrupt govenment :mfo !.

[BELIAL]

Do we deliver passports again ? seem to remember DX or some other bunch doorstepping them on my walks in the recent past

[DGP1]

Do we deliver passports again ? seem to remember DX or some other bunch doorstepping them on my walks in the recent past

Whenever someone sends off their passpost to get a visa, it's sent back via special delivery (really east to spot because it say xxxx consulate at the top).

[k979aaa]

Do we deliver passports again ? seem to remember DX or some other bunch doorstepping them on my walks in the recent past

No thats just the asylum seekers!.

[stokes11eg]

An open invitation to Christina Patterson----Use your pen to truly come out in the defence of your postal service! join us in our battle.Why not go undercover for a few weeks, as a postie and see what goes on behind the scenes, a
then you can point the finger at the real culprits.

[Lounge Lizard]

"... my postmen are quite relaxed about the post - arriving in the afternoon ..." - as if that's our choice !