Feeling victimised by all my male colleagues- please advise

[emmaa_uk]

I cant help but feel really rather victimised by most of the men in my office just lately being the youngest attractive female. (their words not mine)
A couple of weeks back the guy at the enquiry desk started mimicking me because I had asked if I would get paid for my overtime and then as I walked off behind another male colleague the man grabbed me by the shoulders shaking me and propositioning me to have sex in the office!
I was rather shocked because usually he is so stern and rude with me so I tend to be as much back but anyway I replied by saying if he ever touched me again it would be the last thing he did. To which the other guy replied I was being too sensitive and should lighten up but I wondered how many of the other women would take that?? Now, he is being frosty as I had a dispute about my overtime and told me not to argue with him and speak to manager so I just walked off.
I have to admit that now I am wondering if the events of something that happened at a christmas function a few years ago has something to do with it and that another man which will remain nameless has spread malicious gossip about me by saying he nearly had his way because I was drunk though I did not respond to his advances due to the fact he is married etc.
The man was persistant and I feel it has haunted me ever since without going into too much detail because I have never told a sole, always felt ashamed. (Was alone after function with him propostioning me for sex, he was persistant as I say but fortunately I got away as I approached an alley way and made a ran for it and hid, he followed after me but gave up his chase) he is known for his womanising too and guess what he's our rep! I have never spoken of this because I felt too ashamed but feel it haunts me because he used to make cracks about how he would have me down an alleyway and how I turn him on often loud enough for other ppl to hear!
Are these men just out to get me in bed and hurt me emotionally or is it me? I really do feel like they confide in each other and I cant trust anyway of them.
Any suggestions???

p.s I am hoping no one will no who I am because that was a difficult thing for me to write!

[andy2007]

I'd suggest asking someone (preferably a Rep) to have a quiet word with him, to see if he can be persuaded to leave you alone. But if that fails, then I'd suggest putting in a sexual harrasment complaint against him. This type of thing can't be allowed to continue, if it's causing you so much distress. Although hopefully, it won't come to that, and he can be persuaded to back off.

[MinisterofCucumber]

Sounds like the enquiry desk guy was trying to intimidate you into not asking to be paid for your overtime.

What sort of role has this person got?

Only managers can authorise overtime. Is he a favourite who has been allowed to become an unofficial supervisor?

Your private life is your own business. You deserve to be treated decently at work. Personally, I try to avoid going to social events involving alcohol with people from work as the power differences are still there. Unfortunately, you will always get slimy managers and reps who will exploit the power differential to get sex. If you develop a separate social life, you can avoid these losers.

[clashcityrocker]

Your branch might have a Woman's Officer you could speak to.
Your manager should be made aware of what is going on and should deal with it.
If he doesn't he should be sacked.
Put it in writing and get your Area rep involved as well.
You shouldn't have to put up with this sort of crap at work.

[Judgee]

You could call the B & H helpline thing I think it's in the courier.

Sounds like the guy you ran away from needs locking up!

I would also consider going to your area rep to see if they can do anything. Particulaly about this rep that wouldn't leave you alone!

Don't give in to these arseholes though. You are in the right and they are in the wrong always remember that and good luck with it!

[knackeredneedadayoff]

a lot of men are like this but you have to think to yourself would you like this creep doing this kind of s**t to your wife or daughter,dont put up with it

[tetley smooth]

Your topic title states all male colleagues. Is this correct as i can assure you that not all males are sexual harrassing, knuckle dragging cavemen. You do not deserve this and should take it to the next level. As a husband to a wonderful (yet at times very annoying wife) and father to wonderful (yet at times very annoying daughters) i would hate anything like this to affect them. It is almost 2012 and sadly some men need dragging into the correct century.

[postmanplod]

I would also suggest reporting your rep to your Branch sec, if you do not feel you can trust your branch then contact either your regional sec or the equality dept at CWU hq.
Good luck and hope it all turns out well for you

[ronpetetrevchris]

Am i the only red bloodied male in RM these days, i tell you that on occasion i partake in the flirty flirty thing. Its fun and passes the time. BUT only if its reciprocated, i mean, if its taken as a harmless flirt, if really be quite put out if i was causing so much upset and would expect you to turn around and ssay something similar to "if you say that again......

This sort of behaviour 20 years ago was the only way it was, from my experiance, maybe hes just stuck in time and needs a good telling.
Thinking about it it really is not right to actually try and impose your self sexually, but lets differentiate between flirting and actually imposing yourself and applying pressure to do the dirty please.

[smartbhoy]

Emma i take it with the comment "The youngest attractive female" that there are other females in your office? Could you not confide in them and ask a more experienced female employee for advice? Also take notes of everything being said and done to you. Dates, times etc. I don't think you're alone. If i'm taking my office as example. There may be some right vile guys, but for everyone of them there's 4 decent men. And i'm sure there's a lot of men in your office who have a wife/daughter/niece who are disgusted by the selected mens behaviour towards you. If your manager's a decent bloke i'd have a word with him who can have have an off the record discussion with the men you've mentioned and tell them in no uncertain terms if it continues they will be severely disciplined. If not i'd get in touch with your area rep( since it's the rep who is one of these men) and the Area manager and tell him in detail what's going on and you need to mention the story about the night out and having to run away. Just find some courage. Also confide in parents/boyfriend/friend it'll feel like a weight lifted off you shoulders. Don't feel ashamed, you've done nothing wrong. You're just trying to make a living for yourself. It's clearly causing you a great deal of distress and you need to have it dealt with before you make yourself unwell. Take care and good luck.

[AnotherLimey]

Am i the only red bloodied male in RM these days, i tell you that on occasion i partake in the flirty flirty thing. Its fun and passes the time. BUT only if its reciprocated, i mean, if its taken as a harmless flirt, if really be quite put out if i was causing so much upset and would expect you to turn around and ssay something similar to "if you say that again......

This sort of behaviour 20 years ago was the only way it was, from my experiance, maybe hes just stuck in time and needs a good telling.
Thinking about it it really is not right to actually try and impose your self sexually, but lets differentiate between flirting and actually imposing yourself and applying pressure to do the dirty please.

I wonder if they only " reciprocate" to not be a stick in the mud, feel if they don't join in your banter people will think less of them not being part of the gang, don't get me wrong i like a laugh and a joke and sometimes go to far where my male colleagues are concerned, i take a step back with the female members of staff, i'm not perfect by any means but prehaps you need to think before you are "red blooded" again.

[venom]

i would ring the b/h helpline this is confedential and you will know that it wont be covered up by the rep or manager .as i would'nt trust most managers and have come across some dodgy reps in my time hth

[Lounge Lizard]

I cant help but feel really rather victimised by most of the men in my office just lately being the youngest attractive female. (their words not mine)
A couple of weeks back the guy at the enquiry desk started mimicking me because I had asked if I would get paid for my overtime and then as I walked off behind another male colleague the man grabbed me by the shoulders shaking me and propositioning me to have sex in the office!
I was rather shocked because usually he is so stern and rude with me so I tend to be as much back but anyway I replied by saying if he ever touched me again it would be the last thing he did. To which the other guy replied I was being too sensitive and should lighten up but I wondered how many of the other women would take that?? Now, he is being frosty as I had a dispute about my overtime and told me not to argue with him and speak to manager so I just walked off.
I have to admit that now I am wondering if the events of something that happened at a christmas function a few years ago has something to do with it and that another man which will remain nameless has spread malicious gossip about me by saying he nearly had his way because I was drunk though I did not respond to his advances due to the fact he is married etc.
The man was persistant and I feel it has haunted me ever since without going into too much detail because I have never told a sole, always felt ashamed. (Was alone after function with him propostioning me for sex, he was persistant as I say but fortunately I got away as I approached an alley way and made a ran for it and hid, he followed after me but gave up his chase) he is known for his womanising too and guess what he's our rep! I have never spoken of this because I felt too ashamed but feel it haunts me because he used to make cracks about how he would have me down an alleyway and how I turn him on often loud enough for other ppl to hear!
Are these men just out to get me in bed and hurt me emotionally or is it me? I really do feel like they confide in each other and I cant trust anyway of them.
Any suggestions???

p.s I am hoping no one will no who I am because that was a difficult thing for me to write!

Maybe you could tell "him to f off"

[blackadder]

if u were in the enquiry office its more then likley to be filmed. speak to a female manager or helpline

[Straight4ward]

Emma, sounds like you work with a bunch of apes.

Under no circumstances should you be made to put up with this shitty behaviour.

There is some good advice in the attached document. Follow it all.

e_sex_discrimination_and_sexual_harassment_at_work.pdf

I hope things improve for you.