strangest thing a customer has said to you?

[Almighty1]

Not sure if this topic has been done already or even if it's allowed on here, but hardly a week goes by where a customer doesn't say something strange or unintentionally funny to me, so maybe you could share some of your experiences here.

Well yesterday i was knocking on a door to deliver a parcel, when the next-door neighbour came out and said "you won't get an answer from there, the man thats living there is dead!" I replied "living and dead, what is he a vampire?"

[spen]

"if thats a bill you can keep it" ha f***ing ha

[POSTMAN]

"Evening"

[General Mannerheim]

Wanna breed?

[Straight4ward]

From the back of a magnificent black horse and in full regalia:
She, in plummy tones: “I say, you, er, postman chappie, have you seen the hunt?”

Me: “No it’s a stallion. Oh HUNT, sorry I misheard you.”

[Almighty1]

"if thats a bill you can keep it" ha f***ing ha

I use to say "It's not Bill's it's yours", but even that makes me cringe now

[*xen*]

A mate of mine (Dave) whose round is too big and is regularly bullied into going over his time,
upon hearing for the thousandanth time from some stupid bint...

Bint: "Ooh, You're late today Postie."

Dave (through gritted teeth): "Actually madam, I'm early. This is tomorrow's mail."

(Credulous) Bint "Is it? Wow, how do they do that...?"

[Almighty1]

Have you ever used this one?
Your get stopped on your round by a random rude customer you've never seen before, who is to impatient to wait for their mail?
customer: can I have the mail for 56 blah blah...rd
Me "sorry, unfortunately for security reasons I have to post the mail to the address on the envelope"
Customer: thats ridiculous, the regular postman gives it to me!
Me: oh I remember now, an old guy pushing a trolly around collecting old cans and boxes asked for it, so i gave it to him!
Customer: why did you do that?, I don't know him
Me: That's my point, i don't know him and i don't know you, so thats why i never gave it to him and i'm not giving it to you

[skull]

"if thats a bill you can keep it"

How many times a day do we hear this or something similar. What makes things worse is the customer thinks they are coming out with something original and we have to do the artificual laugh.

[Stuart Murray]

Not the most mental but a good one. Walking to work one morning, a nice sunrise in the eastern sky, a guy walking behind me asked the time, 'its just comin up for ten tae eight pal.' i told him. He then says whistfully 'right ta.That's some f***ing sunset..."

[dvbuk55]

Whilst queueing in the chippy at lunch time with a colleague one old dear said to all and sundry "I opened the door in me nightie for him this morning", quick as a flash my colleague said, "I wish my wife had a door in her nightie".

[skull]

Whilst queueing in the chippy at lunch time with a colleague one old dear said to all and sundry "I opened the door in me nightie for him this morning", quick as a flash my colleague said, "I wish my wife had a door in her nightie".

Front door or Back door.

[dvbuk55]

Whilst queueing in the chippy at lunch time with a colleague one old dear said to all and sundry "I opened the door in me nightie for him this morning", quick as a flash my colleague said, "I wish my wife had a door in her nightie".

Front door or Back door.

Not particular really these days

[fishtank]

I was in the supermarket in my civvies on my day off when one of my customers who works on the checkout announced at the top of her voice..."I haven't seen you with your clothes on before".

[justdeno]

I was in the supermarket in my civvies on my day off when one of my customers who works on the checkout announced at the top of her voice..."I haven't seen you with your clothes on before".

That's happened to me too, if you watch Hotel Inspector tonight, there is a big Asda, that's where it was said in front of a queue of people. Never forgot it.