A Right Royal Fail Christmas NSFW : POSTMAN EDIT 'Dont view if offended easily'

[Sir Henry]

Time to lighten the mood peeps, post (early for Xmas) your RM Xmas jokes, pics, stories etc

[Sir Henry]

[Sir Henry]

[ssdd]

vans.jpg

[Sir Henry]

A Christmas Carol, Stave 3: Simoneezer is confronted by The Ghost of Christmas Present, not a jolly green robed embodiment of the festive season but the eerie and reproachful phantom of all the gifts as yet undelivered to folk facing another miserable pandemic Xmas.




"'Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,' said
Simoneezer Scroogeson, looking intently at the Spirit's robe,' but I see
something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding
from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw? '

'It might be a claw, for all that plantar fasciitis, arthritis and walking 10 miles a day in Magnums was wrought upon it,' was
the Spirit's sorrowful reply. 'Look here.'

From the foldings of its robe, it brought two posties;
wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. Your average posties. They knelt
down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

'Oh, Man. look here. Look, look, down here.' exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and a girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling,
wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their exhaustion and hopelessness in the face of 3 days worth of mail and countless Yorks of non-tracked packets.
Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled
hand, like that of working ceaselessly through pandemic delivering unprecedented levels of parcels for the best part of 2 years, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread. As I said, your average posties then.

Scroogeson started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but
the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude for all to see and quote endlessly on Royal Mail Chat.
(This IS fiction after all.)

'Spirit. are they yours.' Scrooge could say no more.

'They are YOURS,' said the Spirit, looking down upon them. 'And they cling to me, appealing from their fetters.

This girl is Want of Fair Workload, this boy is Feigned Management Ignorance.
Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless thewriting be erased.
Deny it.' cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards Workplace.
'Slander those who tell it ye. Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse.
And abide the end.'

'Have they no refuge or resource.' cried Scrooge.

'Are there no Amazons?' said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. 'Are there no Yodels?"

[Sir Henry]

[Dorset Plodder]

A Christmas Carol,

Very Good Sir Henry.

[Sir Henry]

Cheers DP, I had a little help from my mate Charles. He's a dab hand with a quill

[ssdd]

A Christmas Carol,

Very Good Sir Henry.

Well done Sir! I'm looking forward to the ending, where Simoneezer repents and decides to double the wages forthwith.

[Sir Henry]

That may be a stretch even for fiction.
It would be a Christmas Miracle!

[POSTMAN]

Edited title and put in blue shirts, we need a laugh.
If you're offended, call a helpline.

[Jahpostie]

Brilliant stuff. Has anyone ever done one of those Hitler rants from the downfall movie about RM. Seen some great spoofs over the years and RM/Simon would be prime for one.

[POSTMAN]

Brilliant stuff. Has anyone ever done one of those Hitler rants from the downfall movie about RM. Seen some great spoofs over the years and RM/Simon would be prime for one.

Trust me I looked, seems the film owners done over the sites due to copyright reasons.
Unless someone else knows somewhere.



11 years ago!!

[no1postie]

Pure genius Sir Henry, you are beacon of light to the mortals beneath you. and one of the few members who have a sense of fairness and humour. I for one applaud you, long live Sir Henry.

[no1postie]

P.S. dont forget to post early for Easter.