Mental health help

[Cactusfarm]

I do not work for Royal Mail - my husband does.

For a while his mental health has been poor and it is getting worse. I know he is under stress at work. He has been for some time and this does not seem to be easing. He is currently in self-destruct mode and watching him destroy himself is terrifying.

As far as I understand he needs to refer himself for support or ask his manager to refer him and without this referral no support can be given. He refuses to do this. I know that people cannot be helped unless they want to be but I am truly afraid for what might happen if he does not receive support.

Some institutions have programmes where employees can be checked on, for example a concern is raised with HR/a manager and they informally ‘check’ on said employee, does RM have such a thing? If they do is there a way that I could, from outside the business, raise a concern?

As mentioned I know people have to want to receive help but, maybe, someone asking how he is doing might help indicate to him that asking for help is OK.

[iHateD2Ds]

As far that I’m aware your husband has to approach Royal Mail for help (feeling first class)
There is a phone number on back of pay slip (his manger does not get involved)

Hope everything works out.

[TrueBlueTerrier]

Try this helpline and see if they can offer any guidance to you yourself.

viewtopic.php?t=72368

Our Feeling First Class Support service is a confidential and independent helpline for employees, and their direct family members, to turn to if they have any problems or need advice. The service is free and available 24 hours a day and 7 days a week on 0800 6888 777

Counselling: Counselling support can help to explore any issues in a non-judgemental and confidential environment. It can help with both work-related and personal issues. Counselling can be provided by telephone, face-to-face and on-line (where chat or video is available on a secure portal).

[burton76]

It is a very stressful company.

He can also get help through talking services through his GP. It does help - I used it after being abused and mobbed at work and it felt better to have help from outside. An NHS counsellor will offer support beyond the counselling - if the stress was the result of bullying or harassment you don't want a third party from RM involved. Someone completely independent from them. If the NHS counsellor was ever needed as a witness they would do it - not sure a company paid by RM would.

Hopefully, it won't come to that but maybe you could try to persuade him to refer to a talking service - it's just someone to offload onto and makes the mind lighter. You could get the number for self referral from his GP. There is no shame in chatting to someone trained to listen to problems - it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him - people need to invest in mindfulness.

Time in nature, eating healthily, taking time to relax also help. You could organise some detoxifying walks in nature without the emphasis being in his stress. Help him to relax with things he likes to do.

There's a website called Mindcafe which is useful. Good luck.

[Cactusfarm]

@TrueBlueTerrier thank you for the suggestion. I called them but they would not help as I do not work for Royal Mail. They said to call them back if there was a danger to life (or something like that).

@burton76 thank you for your reply. I am sorry that you have had a bad time but am glad that you seem to be seeing the end of that. The issue, currently, is that he will not seek help. He refuses to talk to anyone - even friends socially. I know there is no shame in asking for help, or even just talking to someone about what is going on, but he refuses to do so.

Part of my work is working with those who suffer/have suffered from stress and burnout due to their profession. I know what can happen and I am watching him destroy his (and my) life. I think I am surprised and disappointed that a business the size of Royal Mail rely on self referrals in situations like this unless someone is about to jump in front of a train. Surely however much it costs having a happy and healthy workforce is cheaper than cleaning up the mess later. Managers should take responsibility for their staff and if they don’t want to, or can’t be bothered to, they should not be managers.

[burton76]

There is a saying among RM staff that goes, 'Well, that's Royal Mail!'

He sounds seriously in trouble. maybe you could suggest there maybe risk to his life?

I think GP in this case would offer better advice than anything RM would provide.

Do you have the same GP - could you ask them for advice?

Will he speak to you? If he has burned out he must take time off or will deteriorate. You must have an inroad with him. I know how hard it is though.

People who are depressed/anxious withdraw from social contact. You need to demand he sees his Dr. Even some anti-depressant may boost him enough to seek more help.

[fb1969]

I rang Feeling First Class (in True Blue's post) during 2020 due to stress and anxiety at work, which was caused by mis-management. After the initial phone call I received six session of telephone counselling by a registered counsellor (I checked the name and details online). It helped a bit while it was ongoing but once the six sessions had finished I was told that I could not have anything similar for a year.

So your husband should be able to get that sort of support if he contacts them himself - it doesn't have to go through a manager at all. But as others have said, support etc from a GP is probably the way to go. I have been signed off by the doctor on more than one occasion for mental health issues and I blame the job/company/colleagues for it, so he needn't worry about being the only one in this situation.

[burton76]

@ fb1969

Absolutely! Bullies like to make out mental health issues are a fault with the person. The truth is it a reflection f the behaviour of others. Bullies have the inherent fault - weakness.

[Cactusfarm]

@burton76 and @fb1969 thank you for replying.

He won’t request help. I was hoping someone at Royal Mail would be able to, informally, nudge him as an indication that it’s OK to seek help but there doesn’t seem to be that type of system in place (as there is where I work). He barely speaks to me and is isolating himself and burying his head in the sand. He has decided to move out so will be further alone with his thoughts. From what is being said there is nothing I can do for him. If he manages any of you on here I hope he doesn’t take you down with him.

I have contacted workplace assistance provided by my employer and will be receiving some counselling. From fb1969’s post I wonder how helpful this will be as it seems a short term fix but I will try and take as much as I can from it.

[burton76]

Then maybe sometimes you need to let him get on with it and take care of yourself - time can be a healer too. Maybe it will blow itself out - maybe there are other family/relationship issues.

You can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink. If he won't get help then anyone can refuse medical help and there's nothing you can do. Work couldn't realistically enforce it either and if he's determined to clam up then them asking if he's ok won't get you further on.

Take care of yourself and mindfulness - it has been stressful for you too. NHS counselling is the same - you only get 6 weeks (maybe 2 extra) - because there is such huge demand and so little invested in it.

Good luck x