Bullying and harassment in delivery offices

[DM66]

Hi,
Ive been with RM for many years and never personally been on the end of harassment or bullying until now. Ironically since I've been helped by RM after a serious back issue. OH ( occupational health) have allowed me to stay on my duty and only my duty now, thus meaning I don't get Saturday styled and im not required to do the heavy parcel lifting in the mornings. But as I've always done -I carry on and work my ass off and keep my head down. It hasn't stopped certain so called "friends" from completely ignoring me for the best part of this year and a couple of other people making constant jokes about my duty being protected or that I've got special treatment. Not to my face however, too cowardly for that.
I have to say when OH and RM work together as they're supposed to and something IS actually done to help, its quite a nice surprise and a huge stress relief , but on the other end of the stick I had not expected this daily feeling of harassment by a few colleagues ignoring me or sly jokes , victimisation of people with disability is a total shock when it actually affects you and not someone else.
Its affected my mental health seriously the year, I've not been off sick but im always close to doing it, im quite stubborn so have tried to just work through it and not have my attendance affected by these people , but as I say it is everyday almost and im not sleeping much with anxiety, depression related to it. I haven't felt I can go to a manager about someone simply ignoring me , but it's so obvious because we had a good relationship before , perfectly normal. What evidence do I have ? it will simply be denied.
The other problem is another colleague who makes jokes about my duty to others but never to me, I always hear my duty name being mentioned and laughter but I sadly haven't heard the whole conversation yet. So Im waiting to get hard evidence to go to management but like many posts on here I worry about the repercussions of nothing actually being done and just making life worse for me.
Any advice greatly appreciated.

[Constance]

If it's affecting you I'd say send the baddies a Christmas card with a note stating that you are working just as hard as them with your disability and would appreciate some kindness and empathy in 2024. It might change some. Others I'm afraid will always act like hyaenas. It's school boys who haven't grown up. Absolute prats.

[fb1969]

I had mental health issues while at RM and made the mistake of letting people know about it. The reaction was split three ways, some offered support and others stayed exactly as they had been - but a small minority saw it was a way to score points and make sarcastic comments. Sadly that minority was also the most vocal in the office, on the whole it just showed what a pathetic bunch of people they were.

It is bullying and harassment and they are small minded idiots. Just remember that you are better than them.

[Basildon Bond]

Hi,
Ive been with RM for many years and never personally been on the end of harassment or bullying until now.

...

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Tell them to stop it. Look them in the eye; pause; and just say: Stop it; I don't appreciate it. Repeat it each and every time to each person for a week. Square your shoulders at them and stand up straight (body language).

They don't know what effect it is having on you. They perhaps think it's just pulling your leg or ribbing (good-natured teasing). If you haven't told them it's "not on" then they are free to continue.

Don't get angry. Don't shout. Stare them down and say stop it now. It's amazing how awkward it is for a person to be stared at for 10 seconds.

Then if they don't knock it off say you'll mention it to management. Fair warning and all. If you don't push it back on them initially they may never know what they are doing to you.

[postslippete]

Tell them to stop it. Look them in the eye; pause; and just say: Stop it; I don't appreciate it. Repeat it each and every time to each person for a week. Square your shoulders at them and stand up straight (body language).

They don't know what effect it is having on you. They perhaps think it's just pulling your leg or ribbing (good-natured teasing). If you haven't told them it's "not on" then they are free to continue.

Don't get angry. Don't shout. Stare them down and say stop it now. It's amazing how awkward it is for a person to be stared at for 10 seconds.

Then if they don't knock it off say you'll mention it to management. Fair warning and all. If you don't push it back on them initially they may never know what they are doing to you.

They might respect you a bit more for speaking out in front of them - but they won't if you actually do mention or go to management. A lot of managers are still wet between their ears and wouldn't know what to do anyway. Plus grassing your mates up will definitely get you the silent treatment and it will probably get worse when you're around them. Why? Because it shows that you can't stand up yourself and if you can't do that, then who's going to stand up for you?

[dodgyinlaws]

They target you to to take the pressure off them, I bet they are in the ear of some spineless bullyboy manager to keep on their side, they feel safe in a group, on their own they are nothing.

[DM66]

Thanks for all the replies. Bullying is bullying. I went to Union and management and got the guy in. He immediately owned up a d said he was really sorry and did t mean it how it came out, even though he does it every damn day. The other problem is a person I work closely with who has just basically ignored me for the whole year. This is a more sensitive case. I’ve not named them yet. I’m signed off until new year with stress and other issues. I feel like I actually don’t want to go back, my anxiety was at a high anyway and I know nothing will really change. Management said they won’t tolerate any harassment and showed a bullying video. Well if your depot is like ours , a video on bullying is just a chance to make as many jokes as possible and not listen to the message. Everybody thinks they’re not included, not guilty. Nobody has asked me what I want to do , take it further etc. There are other cases that are going further. It seems impossible to just go to work , keep ur head down and do your job without coming into contact with numbskulls.

[DM66]

They target you to to take the pressure off them, I bet they are in the ear of some spineless bullyboy manager to keep on their side, they feel safe in a group, on their own they are nothing.

Yes you’re exactly right. They’re being monitored because they just talk all morning , make noise nobody wants to hear and skive while we graft. I have to go back in Jan and face the twat. It’ll be hard not to lose it tbh. My attendance is the one suffering from this , not his , and I’m seriously effed off about that. Why should I be penalised for being harassed. I mean I’m guessing that’s what’s going to happen on my return.

[DM66]

If it's affecting you I'd say send the baddies a Christmas card with a note stating that you are working just as hard as them with your disability and would appreciate some kindness and empathy in 2024. It might change some. Others I'm afraid will always act like hyaenas. It's school boys who haven't grown up. Absolute prats.

Thanks. I’m signed off with stress until Jan. he’s been dealt with, slap on the wrist basically. I have to return and deal with another person who has gone from chatty friend to royal ignorer , I’ve not named that person yet . It’s worse than the jokes made by others because the person can and will just deny the ignoring. It is passive aggressive behaviour but how to deal with it and carry on working there. I’ve looked for other jobs in desperation but tbh I’ve invested 20 yrs in this job and don’t want to be pushed out by 2 people. I suffer with social anxiety anyway at work so am naturally quiet and I guess see as an east target , but the truth is if I lose it I’ll lose it big time which I’m trying to avoid.

[DM66]

Hi,
Ive been with RM for many years and never personally been on the end of harassment or bullying until now.

...

Any advice greatly appreciated.

Tell them to stop it. Look them in the eye; pause; and just say: Stop it; I don't appreciate it. Repeat it each and every time to each person for a week. Square your shoulders at them and stand up straight (body language).

They don't know what effect it is having on you. They perhaps think it's just pulling your leg or ribbing (good-natured teasing). If you haven't told them it's "not on" then they are free to continue.

Don't get angry. Don't shout. Stare them down and say stop it now. It's amazing how awkward it is for a person to be stared at for 10 seconds.

Then if they don't knock it off say you'll mention it to management. Fair warning and all. If you don't push it back on them initially they may never know what they are doing to you.

Thanks. I was always missing bits of the jokes. Felt I needed to wait and get real evidence. In the end I just went sick, told Union and boss and they were actually helpful and dealt with him. Problem is how do you face up to another bully who is just ignoring you. I mean we were friends and this year I’ve been ostracised completely by one person. So I’ve said nothing , carried in working and bit my lip at occasional remarks about not helping to lift parcels. I’ve a long term back injury and they know it. The bottom line is this person has made me not want to go back to work. I’m a grown adult and it’s frankly embarrassing to be feeling like this .

[DM66]

I had mental health issues while at RM and made the mistake of letting people know about it. The reaction was split three ways, some offered support and others stayed exactly as they had been - but a small minority saw it was a way to score points and make sarcastic comments. Sadly that minority was also the most vocal in the office, on the whole it just showed what a pathetic bunch of people they were.

It is bullying and harassment and they are small minded idiots. Just remember that you are better than them.

Thank you. I am better than them. I honestly feel like leaving. Many have . But it needed to be called out so I did. I’m now stuck in another case with someone who went from friend to ignorer. You’d think this would be easy to deal with but this individual is the office “ nice person” ( or that’s the front they give) , so basically who’s believe me and how do you call out someone for passive aggressive ignoring. It’s the most common form of harassment apparently in the workplace. If I confront them they’ll deny it and make me look like I’m just imagining it. It’s s tricky one.

[richietns]

I had mental health issues while at RM and made the mistake of letting people know about it. The reaction was split three ways, some offered support and others stayed exactly as they had been - but a small minority saw it was a way to score points and make sarcastic comments. Sadly that minority was also the most vocal in the office, on the whole it just showed what a pathetic bunch of people they were.

It is bullying and harassment and they are small minded idiots. Just remember that you are better than them.

Thank you. I am better than them. I honestly feel like leaving. Many have . But it needed to be called out so I did. I’m now stuck in another case with someone who went from friend to ignorer. You’d think this would be easy to deal with but this individual is the office “ nice person” ( or that’s the front they give) , so basically who’s believe me and how do you call out someone for passive aggressive ignoring. It’s the most common form of harassment apparently in the workplace. If I confront them they’ll deny it and make me look like I’m just imagining it. It’s s tricky one.

He was never your friend he was just a passing work colleague,your sensitive nature which by the way is a good trait and his manipulative nature has come to head,the only way you can move forward if he is still a prick when you get back is to remove/put in place the bully,go back to the manager get it out that you have anxiety struggles and above all dont fall for the you are a grass line...ide rather be looked at as a SO CALLED grass than put up with the constant pressure of anxiety and also always remember it will pass.

[dodgyinlaws]

Had one bullying loud mouth work next to me, people fawning over him to pretend they where his friend, not me, I started to listen to music with my ear phones in to block all the nonsense out

[Constance]

I know you don't want to deal with the ignorer before you go back but now is exactly the time to do it because management are listening and doing something to improve the situation and in for a penny , in for a pound. The return to work time/meetings are one of the only times when things are actually properly documented and therefore if they learn about it AND don't address it and you go off for stress as a result, then did you know that UK law holds the employer legally liable for your further personal injuries namely further psychological harm? Also, when you're back the ignorer will eat away at you at a time when your resilience is perhaps at its weakest. If you end up saying something to them, then management will kind of hold you responsible for not telling them. I agree it's not your fault if you don't say anything to RM now and then subsequently react, but it's going to be a missed opportunity to sort it and it won't do you any favours if you do want to stay in the job. Thanks for letting me know how you are. I hope you have a lovely Christmas and if you're not ready to go back in the new year, then you won't do yourself any good if you don't listen to your mental health at that time.

[Constance]

There was a sexual harassment case at one DO I was at. He'd done it once and was reported and management fudged it and let him come back after a suspension as he was such a nice guy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but never forgot and he did it again and I gave a witness statement. Now this guy really was the nicest guy to work alongside. But he was a molester. I mean Peter Sutcliffe worked as a lorry driver and no one he worked with said he was weird. He picked women who were hard to like and understand ie the vulnerable and the marginalised -typical prey. As a result of my telling the truth, several people never spoke to me again. I moved to another DO so it didn't affect me daily, but they would have frozen me out and I would have had to call them out on it for sure because I hadn't done anything wrong other than tell the truth about what I had seen. There is a lack of emotional intelligence amongst such a good number of colleagues and being ignored is indicative of a dumbass level of emotional intelligence ans it's not acceptable. It's a form of gaslighting and there's no place for it in the workplace. If you don't call it out it then because no one else can really see that it's going on , it's extra painful.