AND A FUNNY THING HAPPEND TO ME WAS______

[L Tommo]

WANKS FOR THE MEMORYS!!!

Bet he (your mate) got a xmas tip that year? Or more like hush money?? Im now off to film any screw that i hate and find them in the same predicament. WELL they are all w*****s anyways!! Oh no i better not or that MIGHT just be seen as STALKING!!

OUT..


DONT LET THE w*****s MAKE YA LARF 2 MUCH!!

[smartie]

ALSO ON DELIVERY THERE WAS THIS OLD MAN THAT COULDNT GET ABOUT ALWAYS SAT IN HIS CHAIR AND HE HAD A FEW LONG STICKS WITH HOOKS ON THE END OF THEM SO HE COULD TURN THE TELLY OVER AND ANOTHER STICK WHERE HE WOULD BANG ON THE WINDOW, AS I WAS DELIVERING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD HE WOULD BANG ON THE WINDOW SO I WOULD GIVE HIM A WAVE, THEN AS I REACHED HIS HOUSE I WOULD POP IN TO SAY HELLO AND SEE HOW HE WAS.

THE ONE MORNING I POPPED IN AND HE WAS COUGHING UP A WARBLING GREAT BIG PHLEMY THING OF HIS CHEST (YOU KNOW A GREENY) URGHH! TO MY HORROR HE HAD A BIG PICKLING JAR BY THE SIDE OF HIS CHAIR WHERE HE DEPOSITED IT INTO URGHH I COULDNT BELEIVE IT HE ALSO HAD ONE FULL OF SOMETHING ELSE BUT IT WASNT CIDER MADE MY STOMACH TURN.
OH MY WORD SOME OF THE THINGS YOU SEE ON DELIVERY SHOCKING HOW SOME PEOPLE LIVE.
SCARRED ME FOR LIFE THAT!!!

[johno47]

My mate had a similar thing happen to him, he had a recorded for this house and after knocking on the front door and getting no answer, he heard a noise at the back so he went round the side of the house to the back, and was confonted by a woman bending over on the lawn with a huge peice of gob dangling from her mouth all the way down to her feet, he then said morning, the women then sucked this huge piece of gob up back into her mouth, turned and said morning.
He said it went back in her mouth like it was on an elastic band. Classy woman.

[smartie]

OH MY GOD THAT IS`SO DISGUSTING YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT SUCKING RIGHT BACK IN LIKE
A STRAND OF SPAHGETTI, MAMA MIA!!!

I LOVE THE STORIES WE CAN TELL THERE IS SO MANY, THEY OUGHT TO WRITE A BOOK OR
DO LIKE THOSE OLD SEVENTY FILMS ADVENTURES OF A POSTIE. WHAT A LAUGH!!

[johno47]

My mate always said to me that we ought to write a book about the things that have happened to us, at the old Burslem office in the town we had used to be connected to the PO, you had to walk through the garage at the back and there would always be the chalk outline of a body on the garage floor like you see in the who dunnits, one of the guys after drinking and having a curry the night before, used to fart in a meter pouch and then put it on someones head you could see them in the perspex window of the pouch trying to hold their breath.

[tommymac]

Three of us used to finish more or less at the same spot,all coming from different directions. Me and my mate saw the third lad coming down the road so we went to the top of the stair well of the block of flats where he finished. As he came in at the bottom of the stairs we dropped our empty pouches on his head, only to find it wasn't him. Some guy had come in just before him. As our mate was right behind him and the only postie insight the guy threatened to knock seven bells out of him. Me and the other lad ran across the landing and down the stairs at the other end of the building to make our get away. This was about 20 years ago but we still have a laugh about it when we get together.

[L Tommo]

I once put a brick in a packet, wrapped it up n sent it to my mate.. Well he helped!! As my pal started down my DO i worked in and he started on his own walk for a while as luck would have it HIS OWN house was on it SO!!!!! He is a right piss taker and always on the wind up. Like superglue my book on the last page so i never knew who killed the monster. while i was on holiday. And lovely little gems like putting his dick in me pint n stuff like that!! So now he is playing @ my game so the brick came out... My pal lived with another mate and i addressed the brick to him..
THE 11'S
So i put it in his packet bag on the frame and wait till he comes round to me asking all sheepish if the packet driver would take it n do i think its to heavy?? I say "NA TAKE IT, THE DRIVER WILL s**t A BRICK IF U ASK HIM! (TOLD DRIVER TO SAY NO ANYWAYS) So out he goes lumping this nice heavy brick about on a very hot summers day, It takes him 2 hrs as its his 2nd week on his own and still green to deliverys, (he used to say it was like a paper boys job n half a days work for the £££) Well there w all are, Me pals in the pub after work and close to mates house when he walks in in uniform sweating buckets and cursing the feet he has with blisters hahaha Then my mate who i addressed it to asks me new postie pal to "go get me parcel",,, He comes back a bit later and me pal opens it and in the brick is a letter for me postie mate, "GOTCHA THE JOB AINT SO f***ing EASY IS IT???""" HIS FACE N FEET WHERE A PICTURE,, SERVES HIM RIGHT!

OUT..

DONT LET THE PISS TAKERS GRINJD YA DOWN.....

[Carnoustie]

Given me inspiration for a wind-up on someone I know who plays practical jokes, but hates being the victim of one

[fordtippex]

I remember when this fella had his dropbags at the fire station. The firemen put two weights of a dumbell into the bottom of his sack and the poor f*cka had to lug 'em around his walk.

And I had chips with mine.

[johno47]

In the old Burslem office we had the old WLT meeting of about seven postmen the boss had got a video to show us on RM, so we went into the canteen to watch this video, he put it in the player and turned his back and said just watch this tape while i sort my papers out, what he didnt know was that we had switched it with a porno tape, for about 3 or 4 minutes he didnt realise so we just sat there and watched it trying not to laugh, i think he realised when he heard a lot of heavy breathing and someone saying " oh ya das is good ", he just started laughing and blamed my mate, ah good old days.

[tommymac]

Johno I remember that. You were in the bogs for ages after.

[johno47]

You liar Tommymac, it was 2 minutes

[L Tommo]

Nice 1 Burslem boys..The porno must of been good if you still remember it down to the german Dialog or is it us getting ready for our new owners "DAS IS GOOD YA" Krautpost... I cant wait to see a pick of Sleepy Margie goose stepping around his little walk in MARRRGITTTTTT!! SHNIEL SHNIEL!! DUMPKOV!!

OUT..

DONT LET THE GET YA DOWN!!

[st postie]

out delivering packets last summer knocked on the door no answer hes told us if no bodys in leave the parcels in the shed at the back of the house .
he has a wrought iron gate and there was all cardboard straped to it i never thought anything of it and opened the gate the bloke was lay on a sunlounger with his shorts round his ankles thrashing away i put the parcel on the back door step and f****d off sharpish the reg walking postie always shouts to me have you got any parcels for that w****r at number 57

[johno47]

When i started at Burslem there was a guy who was in my section, one morning we were having a cuppa and he said do you want to see some photos of my lady, being polite i said yeah, when he showed me the photos i nearly fell off my chair, it was photos of his misses getting sh***ed from behind by a postman from another office, he never batted an eye lid he was more bothered about the fact the lighting and the colours hadnt come out right, apparantly him and his mate were keen photographers. A few years later he was sacked and set up a brothal in Burslem, made some money and now lives in the south of France. I spent many a happy hour debating about lighting and camera angles,