managers sqeeze near xmas, legit?

[SeriousSam]

but if i shout next time he does it people will just think its my aspergers right?

[norbert]

but if i shout next time he does it people will just think its my aspergers right?

he knows that ( bullies pick their victims very carefully ) so use some guile as I and other posters have suggested - Do it in a measured , firm but polite way i.e. " Excuse me , do you mind , would you mind not doing ? doing this or that as I find it offensive etc - get or have witnesses so he can't twist things round on it's head as some do .

It's a place of work FFS , not a swinger's club / gay bar / one of those baths that only a certain type of man goes to or a Rugby Union dressing room / Rugby Club Bar .

I tend to be a bit suspicious about this sort of " male bonding " unless they're genuinely playing the clown / being ironic - you wonder if they've got "issues" , sometimes it's the type that can be abusive towards women

[shadow]

another thing he does which is kinda annoying/strange... when ive done a 'good job' (finished a task etc) he patts me on the butt and kinda pinches/rubs it, its not in a sexual way just in a manly friendly way, but its still wierd ... -_-


RM managers are the worst!

I've never heard of men patting each other on the arse in a manly way.Maybe he's a sexual predator.Keep your back to the wall aswell.

[dvbuk55]

I'm not too sure about the ins and outs of sexual harassment but I know if I patted a womans bum:

I would feel uncomfortable about it myself
Think that it was cause for a legitimate complaint

I don't see that it is any different for a man on a man.

We are always larking about of course and sometimes the banter is probably close to the knuckle but everyone takes it in good part however we were coming out of a meeting and there was one of the younger women posties in front of me, I was talking to someone half behind me and the corridor was heaving with people and she shrieked out "Leave my bum alone" - the place went quiet, I went bright red and almost had a f*cking heart attack - she then started laughing like a hyena and shouted "I got you that time" - I could have killed her, but I did see the funny side after all the stunts I've pulled.

[rhino49]

Surely Sam, if you have had time off due to an injury, then that time off will form part of your official attendance record and you can get a copy of that from HR - so - this can go one of two ways

1) it cannot be reclaimed unless it is removed from your record
2) The manager never registered the fact that you were absent and is in the s**t for not doing so.

This is what we call a win/win situation and it is not the manager that is winning

[kwikpost]

tell him to put it in writing and to date and sign the letter.

[SeriousSam]

but if i shout next time he does it people will just think its my aspergers right?

he knows that ( bullies pick their victims very carefully ) so use some guile as I and other posters have suggested - Do it in a measured , firm but polite way i.e. " Excuse me , do you mind , would you mind not doing ? doing this or that as I find it offensive etc - get or have witnesses so he can't twist things round on it's head as some do .

It's a place of work FFS , not a swinger's club / gay bar / one of those baths that only a certain type of man goes to or a Rugby Union dressing room / Rugby Club Bar .

I tend to be a bit suspicious about this sort of " male bonding " unless they're genuinely playing the clown / being ironic - you wonder if they've got "issues" , sometimes it's the type that can be abusive towards women

but hes been doing it now for like 6months, he'll be all like "wow, why have u only just started complaining? ive been doing that for like 6months or something". I was thinking of putting in a complaint but i dont wnat to be singled out as that guy who isnt comfortable with male bonding or whatever ...

I figured because im comfortable with my sexuallity it should not be a problem, as he is a collegue but as times progressed im starting to think otherwise, after mentioning it in the pub and finding out its kinda rare....

Ive always thought it was acceptable because most men used to patt co-workers butts at work in the 60's or whatever. >.<

[SeriousSam]

I'm not too sure about the ins and outs of sexual harassment but I know if I patted a womans bum:

I would feel uncomfortable about it myself
Think that it was cause for a legitimate complaint

I don't see that it is any different for a man on a man.

We are always larking about of course and sometimes the banter is probably close to the knuckle but everyone takes it in good part however we were coming out of a meeting and there was one of the younger women posties in front of me, I was talking to someone half behind me and the corridor was heaving with people and she shrieked out "Leave my bum alone" - the place went quiet, I went bright red and almost had a f*cking heart attack - she then started laughing like a hyena and shouted "I got you that time" - I could have killed her, but I did see the funny side after all the stunts I've pulled.

but im a man and hes a man, i dont want to become "that wierdo" known for making a scene about homo-erotic sexual harrasment or whatever, esspecially if the older guys at work dont see it as a big deal either.

[krussel]

but if i shout next time he does it people will just think its my aspergers right?

he knows that ( bullies pick their victims very carefully ) so use some guile as I and other posters have suggested - Do it in a measured , firm but polite way i.e. " Excuse me , do you mind , would you mind not doing ? doing this or that as I find it offensive etc - get or have witnesses so he can't twist things round on it's head as some do .

It's a place of work FFS , not a swinger's club / gay bar / one of those baths that only a certain type of man goes to or a Rugby Union dressing room / Rugby Club Bar .

I tend to be a bit suspicious about this sort of " male bonding " unless they're genuinely playing the clown / being ironic - you wonder if they've got "issues" , sometimes it's the type that can be abusive towards women

but hes been doing it now for like 6months, he'll be all like "wow, why have u only just started complaining? ive been doing that for like 6months or something". I was thinking of putting in a complaint but i dont wnat to be singled out as that guy who isnt comfortable with male bonding or whatever ...

I figured because im comfortable with my sexuallity it should not be a problem, as he is a collegue but as times progressed im starting to think otherwise, after mentioning it in the pub and finding out its kinda rare....

Ive always thought it was acceptable because most men used to patt co-workers butts at work in the 60's or whatever. >.<

I have seen this patting butt thing before and we once had a male line manager who was a bit touchy come up behind you and rub your shoulders if he wanted you to change duties etc. I don’t think he was gay and a few lads played alone talking in high pitched voices and stuff .

Thing is your manager is taking a huge risk if this male bonding crap gets taken the wrong way as it will most certainly cost him his job.

Sam you could make a joke of it but get your point across. Something like “keep your hands where I can see them” . Failing that you could politely point out you simply are uncomfortable with the whole thing and watch him poop himself. You should not have to put up with this kind of thing.

[axeman]

unwanted attention comes under the b&h bang in a form he won't bother you again if he still has a job

[norbert]

but if i shout next time he does it people will just think its my aspergers right?

he knows that ( bullies pick their victims very carefully ) so use some guile as I and other posters have suggested - Do it in a measured , firm but polite way i.e. " Excuse me , do you mind , would you mind not doing ? doing this or that as I find it offensive etc - get or have witnesses so he can't twist things round on it's head as some do .

It's a place of work FFS , not a swinger's club / gay bar / one of those baths that only a certain type of man goes to or a Rugby Union dressing room / Rugby Club Bar .

I tend to be a bit suspicious about this sort of " male bonding " unless they're genuinely playing the clown / being ironic - you wonder if they've got "issues" , sometimes it's the type that can be abusive towards women

but hes been doing it now for like 6months, he'll be all like "wow, why have u only just started complaining? ive been doing that for like 6months or something". I was thinking of putting in a complaint but i dont wnat to be singled out as that guy who isnt comfortable with male bonding or whatever ...

I figured because im comfortable with my sexuallity it should not be a problem, as he is a collegue but as times progressed im starting to think otherwise, after mentioning it in the pub and finding out its kinda rare....

Ive always thought it was acceptable because most men used to patt co-workers butts at work in the 60's or whatever. >.<

that " wow , why have you only just started complaining " is cr** ! - it's actually a form of bullying i.e. " You have no sense of humour , you're being paranoid / taking things too personally etc , etc " . The oldest one in the book .

Bullying comes in all sorts of forms and in different degrees , a Bully will always twist things . What he is doing is inappropriate and unprofessional end of ! . Two wrongs do NOT make a right .

Not being funny - you'll have to forget ( to a point ) everything that you've experienced outside RM . They run institutions if you will , ( some staff and managers should never be let out of one unsupervised ) , if you've been in Prison , Public School or the Forces it's Ok-ish ! , otherwise you might as well be on a another planet ! .

What I'm driving at is , everything RM has to be taken with a very large pinch of salt and treated with cynicism , contempt - sometimes ! and skepticism . RM might sometimes come out with the " right " things but usually it's not worth the paper it's written on , given their personnel management style .

Forget everything about all this " Team Bonding " corporate cr** as well , usually that's just sugar to swallow sh** with and /or someone to blame when it suits . You're not his mate , you don't go down the boozer with him , therefore it would seem to be a bit weird & odd ? .

The rule book works both ways whether RM like or not . They could have you suspended on a flimsy pretext / trumped up B&H charge on vague & obscure grounds and out of the building if somebody had targeted you for the " Royal Mail " treatment " " & that manager will still be there , laughing at you .

[revilo88]

I find it hilarious that this thread has completely revolved back to the original thread title "managers sqeeze near xmas, legit?"

Just a different type or squeezing

[brothermagrew]

another thing he does which is kinda annoying/strange... when ive done a 'good job' (finished a task etc) he patts me on the butt and kinda pinches/rubs it, its not in a sexual way just in a manly friendly way, but its still wierd ... -_-


RM managers are the worst!

Thats sounds a bit weird to me , how can someone do that in a friendly way?

like; "hey *******, nice job" *patt* *patt* *rub(with a kind of pinch at the end)*

its not in a gay way or anything.... im not gay :S

sometimes this " male bonding " is a way of softening people up for the next thing he has planned for you , see how far he'd get on the town on a Friday / Saturday night acting in a " manly friendly way " - log all the instances - it's inappropriate end of and hypocritical considering

With respect SeriousSam, if what you are claiming is true then it would appear to be a form of sexual harassment and has no such place in the workplace, your words he patts me on the butt and kinda pinches/rubs it, it is not in a sexual way just in a manly friendly way, but it's still weird to true it's weird it is as has been said a form of sexual harassment. “A slap or patt on the buttocks in the office setting has yet to replace the
handshake.”

The manly friendly way to which you refer would be for your manager to shake your hand for a job well done.

Importance of Communicating That Words or Actions Are Unwelcome:
Obviously, if someone is being harassed, he or she should be sure to let the alleged harasser know in no uncertain terms to stop the behavior. If the employee is not able to do so alone, the employee can ask a friend or a trusted coworker to help him or her talk to the alleged harasser. This does not mean that the victim has to confront the alleged harasser or put it in writing. Nonverbal behavior can also be sufficient in some cases to communicate unwelcomeness. “No” means “no,” whether it is communicated verbally or nonverbally. However, a clearly communicated “no” more often deters the harassment.

[BELIAL]

Ah the dilemmas of an open forum Piss take anyone?

[bunkerland]

Ah the dilemmas of an open forum Piss take anyone?

Put me down for the piss take! I'll still pick it up and run with it though!

Sam,i think you've got to be very careful here! It's tough when you become the object of a managers whimsical lusts and sexual desire . Of course it could be all quite innocent ,perhaps he 's just a"friendly guy" with a hands on approach to the job! It could,however,be something far more more sinister! Perhaps Mrs dom doesn't put out any more and he fancies a bit of rough at work or perhaps he sees you as some sexual plaything he can act out his bedroom fantasies on!

Whatever it is,you've got to nip it in the bud..........now! Just tell him that a classy bloke like youself isn't interested in some deadbeat manager or that you don't believe in sex before marriage! No means no,etc ! Or best of all,ask him if you can finish early one day because you've got an appointment at the STD clinic! Oh,one more thing,if he ever offers you o/t at his house delivering meat and not letters.....Don't go!

Good luck Serious! :mfo